IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

what is your statement of purpose for graduate school

I knew that the human heart fascinated me in many ways. In my formative years, my grandmother who later died practically lived on certain pills that she said in our local language “
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 good for the heart”.
This
Linking Words
 inspired me to ask questions. Are there no drugs to remodel an ailing heart into a healthy one,
such
Linking Words
 that there would be no need to keep taking medications? My incessant questions got no answers. I
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 decided to embark on a journey to better understand the physiology underlying the cardiovascular
system
Use synonyms
. The program, integrative physiology will aid my comprehension of the cardiovascular
system
Use synonyms
. All through practice, I was keen on handling cases related to it. I found out
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 autonomic nervous
system
Use synonyms
, salt intake, obesity and morbid states like diabetes were implicated in the pathogenesis of essential and secondary
hypertension
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 pushed me to discover the role of the central nervous
system
Use synonyms
 (sympathetic) in the regulation of the cardiovascular
system
Use synonyms
, considering their effects on blood vessels. I have
therefore
Linking Words
 chosen to apply for
this
Linking Words
 program with a focus on cardiovascular physiology. My research interests best align with the study of neural control of the circulatory
system
Use synonyms
 which synchs with work being done at the laboratory of Prof. Qing-Hui Chen. I would be glad to discover neural mechanisms involved in the sympathetic activation of these metabolic disorders and to find out whether there are modifications within autonomic neurons in the hypothalamus in the development of congestive heart failure and salt-sensitive
hypertension
Use synonyms
 under his tutelage. My interest can be traced right from my preclinical years, where I enjoyed lectures on Membranes and Receptors, Cell Biology and Genetics. Off the laboratory, I participated in community outreaches, measuring vital signs. As a president of the Medical Students’ Association, I educated the public on
hypertension
Use synonyms
 and diabetes and their sequelae.
Also
Linking Words
, I introduced a quarterly cardiovascular screening program that encompassed both curative and preventive measures aimed at managing
such
Linking Words
 ailments.
Consequently
Linking Words
, my dissertation in the final year was focused on obstetric cases admitted at the intensive care unit of Ho Teaching Hospital. Interestingly, more than 60% of
such
Linking Words
 cases stemmed from uncontrolled cardiovascular conditions. In my line of work, time spent at
Use synonyms
hypertension
Correct article usage
the hypertension
show examples
/diabetes clinic improved my understanding of the associated risk factors, from modifiable to non-modifiable. I attended workshops on anti-hypertensives and their effects on the autonomic neural
system
Use synonyms
. I believe my dreams of being a great researcher shortly after school and my long-term goal of becoming a scientist in the industry will come to fruition upon being enrolled. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to receiving the good news of my admission to your prestigious institution.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: