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Band 4.5

People today spend less and less time interacting with other people in their neighborhood and this has a negative impact on communities. What are the possible causes and solutions to this problem?

#people #time #neighborhood #impact #communities
Nowadays, technology is becoming significant causing
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of face-to-face conversation between
people
 and less real social activity. In
this
 essay, I will examine causes and possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to the trouble of less communication between neighbours. There are two main reasons why
people
 less interact with
Correct your spelling
neighbour
neighbours
neighboor
Correct pronoun usage
their neighboor
show examples
.
Firstly
, social media has affected directly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
real
Correct your spelling
conversation
coversation
Correct your spelling
conversation
. As
people
has
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have
show examples
 shifted their lifestyle to network, communication
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 real person
overlook
Wrong verb form
overlooked
show examples
.
This
 means that
people
 enjoy
time
on
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apply
show examples
online more than visual talk.
Correct your spelling
Another
Anothor
Correct your spelling
Another
 cause is
overloading
Correct article usage
the overloading
show examples
 of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
This
 is
Correct your spelling
because
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
people
 get a lot of pressure from
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
, so they actually need to rest
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 busyness which is enjoying
time
 by itself.
In other words
, social media and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of loading work led
people
 to spend less
time
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their neighbours. Some possible solutions to
this
 problem are having
community's
Change noun form
community
show examples
 activities and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 happiness in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. How to attract
people
 to
out of
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apply
show examples
social media is attracting them to join
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 activities.
For instance
, if communities gather
people
 to do
activity
Add an article
an activity
the activity
show examples
 together once a week, the relationship between person has created and have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to develop to be closer
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
 will prefer real conversation with close
people
.
Moreover
, if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has come to solve
this
 problem,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bigger
changed
Replace the word
changes
show examples
 will occur. Policy encouraging happiness at work increase
person
Replace the word
personal
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 but
also
 advantages to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
Consequently
,
people
 reduce stress and enjoy their life more. All in all, spending
time
 on online
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 causes less interaction between
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 resulting in negative
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 society.
However
, if
people
 have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to
Correct your spelling
develop
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 their relationships, it will support
people
 to engage more in the future.
Submitted by buildwim on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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