Just like the government spends funds on music and theatre, it does the same on arts too which is considered a waste of money. Don’t you think that the government should spend more on revamping public services? Do you agree? If no, then why?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, people argue that a lot of government subsidies are spent on performing arts, namely music, drama and arts, which can rather be used for the betterment of the services offered to individuals.
However
Linking Words
, in my ,opinion theatre and art should be considered a crucial part of society as it brings out the creative side of artists in order to retain the culture and history of the nation.
To begin
Linking Words
with, creative workers use their skills to beautify a simple thing that can revamp a minimal place. Paintings, sculptures and drawings bring charm to the surroundings which lift up the mood and behaviour of many people. They have made a massive contribution to restoring the historic paintings and heritage of the great ancestors.
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, there are several humans who have a profound interest in visiting art galleries and museums to praise the exquisite art forms that are usually aided by governing authorities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it has been proven that entertainment mediums
such
Linking Words
as drama clubs and music concerts are assets to us. There are several other benefits
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to sponsoring the above as it is an excellent opportunity for youngsters with a similar passion who can excel in
this
Linking Words
field and can earn a fortune for themselves. There are some children who are not academically gifted but find peace and solace in creating magic on canvas, taking part in role-plays and becoming affluent singers.
For instance
Linking Words
, music is termed as a therapy for the majority of the population and declutters our minds and
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in many states,
this
Linking Words
activity has been considered a recreational method for those struggling with mental health. Many adults enjoy it as part of their weekend routine where they can indulge themselves in these activities by taking a break from their mundane routine.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the higher authorities should invest more in art-related activities to continue restoring history and promote them with much fervour for the well-being of mankind.
Submitted by gupta.swati2102 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt and fully explores the given topic. Provide a more balanced discussion of the opposing viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is good, but ensure that the progression of ideas is clear and well-connected throughout the essay. Use transition words to enhance coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: