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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #experiences #children #school #effect #future #life #teenagers #influence
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It is believed that all
experience
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 that
people
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 have in their childhood has a big imprint on their adult
life
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. But some
people
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 believe that
Correct article usage
the pre-school
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pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
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experience
Use synonyms
 is the most influential one,while others reckon that teenage experiences at school are more important.
This
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 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. Many
people
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 claim that what pre-schoolers go through plays a crucial role in their adult
life
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.
People
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 putting importance on childhood claim that in
such
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 time
children
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 gain basic necessary skills and how well the child will be taught basic skills
depends
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ondepends
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further
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 development of the child in all areas of
life
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.
Correct article usage
A Lates
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Lates
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Latest
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 poll
of
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by
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famous
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a famous
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 psychiatrist
Jersey
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in Jersey
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demonstrate
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demonstrates
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 that kids who simultaneously attended kindergarten regularly and were trained by their parents at home, achieve better results at school, than
children
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 without proper attention.
Subsequently
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,
pre-school
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preschool
show examples
experience
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 takes an important place in
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children
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children's
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life
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. But in general
pre-school
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preschool
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experience
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 gives only half of
necessary
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the necessary
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 skills,so that’s why it
remain
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remains
show examples
controversial
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a controversial
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 statement.
However
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 , a lot of
people
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 reckon that teen
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experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 have a bigger influence on
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children
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children's
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life
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. And it is proven by a well-known psychologist from the USA, Rayon,who
believe
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believes
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 that detailed studying of each patient’s teenage
years
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 always helped him in revealing weak points. He
is reckon
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reckons
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 that
during
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apply
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all
Correct determiner usage
the
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teenager
Replace the word
teenage
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 period forms human personality and that’s why all developments that occur
with
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in
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person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 during
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the teenagers
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teenagers
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teenage
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years
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 can extremely influence
on
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apply
show examples
their future
life
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. From my point of view , referring to the words of the famous psychologist Rayon , it is clearly seen that
teen
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the teen
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years
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plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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pivotal
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a pivotal
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 role in forming personality. It should be mentioned that my opinion
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 based on statistics showing that
near
Change the word
nearly
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 88
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 of
population
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the population
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 received different psychological trauma and disorders during
teen
Correct pronoun usage
their teen
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years
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. To summarise, both views on
this
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 topic are accepted , but above all ,
teen
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the teen
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experience
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 can be more traumatic and memorable
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 gives
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 to claim that it is more influential. More important
be
Wrong verb form
being
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mentally
Add an article
a mentally
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 healthy person than having better results in school.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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