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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that holding sport competitions cause many troubles, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #competitions #troubles
Some people indicate that holding
sports
 competitions may cause many complications ,while others suggest that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 just a game.For me I advocate the
first
 opinion ,we will discuss both points of view in the below paragraphs.
First
 and foremost, holding
sports
 competitions most probably
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 serious injuries to players throughout their career ,for ,instance what happened to Mohammed Ali Clay and the severe brain damage he lived with the rest of his life after retirement.
In Addition
,
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
brain concussions and disabilities like being in a wheelchair for your entire life ,or even
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to death in other cases.
Besides
,it raises a generation full of violence and hatred between
the
Correct determiner usage
one
show examples
 community and another.
For instance
, my nephew punched his sibling in the face after watching the final game of Mayweather
last
 year.Plus,
such
 games when played on the amateur level it lacks the minimum requirements of safety and caution, unlike professional championships.
On the contrary
, others find
this
 kind of rough
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 a great amusement and entertainment to fulfil the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 urgency and violence they miss in reality. Along with the high competition in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
American soccer
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 instance , the audience finds
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great pleasure when their favourite team wins a match or the bowl at the end of the season to tease the fans of opponent teams.
However
,above all of
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 it's a high-income sport for a lot of corporations and institutions that
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 a high revenue from selling tickets and buying players' kit to the sponsorship from international and even local brands. To sum up , everything with a limit is not only okay but
also
 a marvellous thing
watch
Fix the infinitive
to watch
show examples
.We have to avoid injuries as much as possible , take all safety
measurements
Replace the word
measures
show examples
 and prevent ourselves and the players from any harm. As well as protecting our community from violence , and
then
 we can look at holding
sports
 as entertainment
sportssports
Correct your spelling
sports sports
sport sports
.
Submitted by mazenabujabal on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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