IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, workers over 60 can still be found in the workplace. However, some people think that this may cause social problems and they should be retired. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, in various parts of the world, employees who have crossed the
age
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 of 60 are still employed and are part of the workforce. There is a widely held view that a few individuals that cultural issues
due to
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 late retirement. In my opinion,
people
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 should not push themselves to
work
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 after the
age
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 of 60. In my upcoming essay, I will elaborate more on why 60 should be the maximum
age
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 limit to
work
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who are still working after the
age
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 of 60, are usually a burden to
society
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. They are the root of a lot of social problems without knowing about it.
For instance
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, as soon as someone retires from a job, a fresh, young energetic individual will take his or her position. With that job, he or she can start a new life, get married have kids etc.
This
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 helps
society
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 to grow and reduces the negative pressure on our social system.
Secondly
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, God did not make us
work
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 our entire lives. Elderly
people
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 must not exceed
work
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 after they reach 60 years of
age
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 will give them more time to spend with their kids or grandkids, and obviously add years to their life. Another compelling reason is that retirement at the right
age
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 paves the way for a new generation to practice their careers.
Moreover
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, elderly
people
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 who still
work
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 are more prone to
work
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-related accidents. In fact, their recovery time from an accident increases
due to
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age
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.
For example
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, In Indonesia, rice pickers are still working at the
age
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 of 70. A lot of them are victims of back injury and other ergonomic-related problems. In Conclusion, I honestly believe that social and cultural problems in our
society
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 can be eliminated, if workers retire at the
age
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 of 60 years.
This
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 will give more time to the elderly to spend with their families and community,
Hence
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 removing social issues from
society
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.

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task achievement
While your argument is clear, ensure that your ideas are comprehensively outlined and leave no room for ambiguity.
task achievement
Try incorporating more specific examples to make your arguments stronger and more compelling for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring each paragraph builds upon the last to maintain flow and make connections between ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, allowing readers to understand your stance easily.
task achievement
The purpose of the essay is clear and communicated effectively, demonstrating a satisfactory understanding of the task.
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