Some people think that the main factor influencing a child’s development these days are things such as tv, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
During the early stages of one's development, every interaction can influence their physical and mental development. A vast number of people are convinced that television, music or even friends constitute the prominent factor that affects a kid's growth. Others argue that the immediate family has the greatest influential role. Personally, I support the latter, with the former undeniably having positive attributes as well.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, a baby will spend its formative years with its parents.
Consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the environment
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

obtained in a household is crucial for its stability.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
grow up with divorced parents or in situations where the guardians face some hardships in
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as financial difficulties, end up having trouble keeping up at school and in extreme
cases
Add a comma
cases,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in extreme cases. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
some of them might even get diagnosed with psychiatric disorders, like ADHD. Another example, especially during the first months of an infant's
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, is when the mother breastfeeds them.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they create a special bond like no other and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

affection has proven to provide the newborn with a sense of stability and safety that will remain for the rest of their
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. On the opposite side, the media and relatives
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

classmates and neighbours are undoubtedly influential. It is not always our choice to decide who interacts with our children, and in recent years the amount of time they spend on social media has dramatically increased.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, all sorts of information is thrown directly on them, making them believe they should act a certain way in order to feel accepted. What's more, a large number of TV programmes idolize famous actors and singers, leading to a constant feeling of unworthiness. To provide an example, a new channel has been formed that focuses entirely on fashion. It is with no doubt that adolescents try to imitate skinny models and
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, eating disorders are nowadays more common than they ever were. All things considered, what develops a human being cannot be defined, and no one can argue that every conversation and encounter someone has will affect their personality, sometimes more than it should. Personally, I believe that the ones that you grow up with have the most impact on your
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

since if you have a healthy relationship with them, you will not feel the need to seek acceptance from others and you will embrace yourself just the way you are.
Submitted by demetra.kontopyrgou on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and consistent organization of ideas for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide a more thorough analysis and extension of ideas to further enhance task response.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: