Title :Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Health issues from consuming excessive amounts of sugar are the main concern in many countries. There are people
believing
Wrong verb form
who believe
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that high levels of sugary foods could give rise to a plethora of adverse effects on our lives, and it is crucial that governments should raise taxes on these items in order to reduce consumption. For my part, I side with the advocates of the former to a larger extent based on the following sound reasons.
Firstly
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, it is noteworthy that the number of patients who suffer from obesity will decrease rapidly.
For example
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, it is tremendously necessary for governments to introduce policies that focus mainly on increasing the tax the sugary commodities so that the process of making the products will rise respectively.
As a result
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, they probably reckon that it does not deserve to pay a higher price and gradually forget the representation of that food.
Secondly
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, when prices are ascending, most clients tend to seek other
substitutions
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substitutes
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to consume.
This
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belief could be attributed to the fact that the natural ingredients will be composed by clients rather than artificial sweets.
Thus
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, it has considerable benefits for their immune system.
For instance
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, when a sweet drink is highly expensive, consumers transform to choosing fresh foods, namely lemonade or watermelon. The most vital is that those meet the demands of the flavours. In summary, I am convinced that abundant manufactured food and drink products include a high level of sucrose, which leads to many serious health issues.
Therefore
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, the government should be aware of the issue at hand and prompt the tax on
such
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products.
Submitted by dungnguyen on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide a more explicit stance on whether you agree or disagree with the prompt and support your position throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufactured food
  • drink products
  • high levels of sugars
  • health problems
  • sugary products
  • made more expensive
  • encourage consumption
  • public health
  • reformulate
  • lower-income families
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • sugar taxes
  • subsidize
  • healthier food options
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