IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some say that sprots play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both view, and give your opinion.

The two pie charts draw the conclusion
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a survey of
boys
Use synonyms
' and
girls
Use synonyms
' cultural and leisure activities. Overall, equal quantities of both sexes enjoyed listening to music, but a dramatically larger number of
girls
Use synonyms
 liked reading. There were
also
Linking Words
 many differences in terms of the children's preferred sports. Turning to the
first
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
, we can observe that
boys
Use synonyms
 prefer playing computer games (34% participation rate)
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 taking other activities. Playing basketball comes as the
second
Linking Words
 most popular leisure,
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 by almost a
third
Linking Words
 of male children. Basketball is followed by soccer, which is exercised by 17%. Skateboarding and listening to music are less preferable activities, chosen by 11% and 10% of
boys
Use synonyms
 respectively. Reading, the least popular cultural activity among
boys
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 represents only two
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Taking a closer look at the
second
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
, we can see that
girls
Use synonyms
' most preferred activity is dancing, being 27% of the total.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the
boys
Use synonyms
' preferences, reading is chosen by more than a fifth of all
girls
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 of female children who play computer games is roughly twice less than that of
boys
Use synonyms
 (16%),
this
Linking Words
 activity is
Linking Words
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
 most popular on the
girls
Use synonyms
'
chart
Use synonyms
. With a slight difference between computer games and netball, the latter is
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 at
15
Correct article usage
a 15
show examples
% rate.
Similarly
Linking Words
 to skateboarding
popularity
Replace the word
popular
show examples
 among
boys
Use synonyms
, 11% of
girls
Use synonyms
 go in for gymnastics. Listening to music comes as the least popular leisure, with a proportion of 10%, equal to those on the
first
Linking Words
chart
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: