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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public place except in certain area. All countries should make these rules. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #people #smoke #place #area #rules
In
this
 modern era, many
people
 are believing that smoking injuries to health and it died
people
. Many countries publicly smoking is ben except few locations. I strongly agreed
on
Change preposition
apply
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with
this
 notion
will
Correct word choice
and will
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 discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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further
Add an article
a further
the further
show examples
 paragraph with suitable reasons. Supporting my agreement
to
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with
show examples
 the given statement, I firmly believe that smoking is the major cause of death and
unrecoverable
Correct article usage
an unrecoverable
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 disease.
For example
, cancer around the world. Cigarettes contain
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nicotine and tobacco which is mainly drawn to the disease. In fact, smoking cause several other problems related to health like hypertension, heart attack and many more. As per the recent survey conducted by India’s largest NGOs on World Health Day, the report says that 40
percentage
Replace the word
percent
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 of
people
 died due to smoking every year as they are used to
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
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 daily more than 3
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 in
day
Add an article
the day
a day
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.
Furthermore
, old age
people
 are habited to smoke
local
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locally
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 made bidi which
specially
Add a missing verb
is specially
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 made from
tree’s
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tree
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 leaves and tobacco. These are the habits direct impact
to
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on
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lungs
Correct article usage
the lungs
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 which increase the chances
developing
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of developing
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the
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apply
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cancer.
In addition
 to
another supporting points
Replace the adjective
another supporting point
other supporting points
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 against
this
 statement, there are several benefits to
ban
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 smoking publicly. Prohibiting smoking will improve the quality of the air and oxygen.
As a result
, the pollution is decreased, and
people
 can breathe in and out the clean air and it is preventing the risk of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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heart attack in nonsmoker
people
.
However
, there are some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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negatives as well
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, If the smoking ban
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public places,
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 company sales count will be reduced drastically
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
show examples
as a result
 it would be impacted
direct
Change the adjective
directly
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to
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by
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 the company revenues and government
earning
Correct your spelling
earnings
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 as taxes. In conclusion, I personally believe that smoking must be prohibited in to publicly
it
Correct word choice
because it
show examples
 would be beneficial for individuals, and it will reduce the disease globally.
Submitted by rishitpatel1104 on

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