IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In today's world, private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#world #companies #government #conduct #research
There is no doubt conducting scientific
research
 requires an amount of
money
. It is often paid by
Private
Correct article usage
a Private
show examples
 Company rather than
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
.
While
 I accept that
this
 trend may have some drawbacks, I strongly believe that its benefits are greater. On the one hand, there are a variety of disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 trend . First of all, We can't get anywhere denying that corporations
convest
Correct your spelling
conduct
 experiments to advertise their business.
Secondly
 , Most advanced
research
 equipment and resources at private organizations would increase the price of the resulting product and would not be accessible to the general public. Another problem can be accessibility. As the cost of
such
research
 is higher, it would not be easily available. Different outlets will only exhibit
such
 products based on their audience which will result in
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 being available at select locations
On the other hand
, I would argue that Beneficial is outweighed by Detrimental.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 can spend more
money
 on social activities
as well as
 welfare.
For instance
: during the recent
covid
Correct your spelling
COVID
show examples
 pandemic, developing and undeveloped nations may spend more
money
 improving
citizents’s
Change noun form
citizens’
show examples
 material life and spiritual
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Instead
 of
convesting
Correct your spelling
conducting
medical
research
 to make vaccines or Healing agents.In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, Private companies often spend a lot of
money
 to conduct experiments and go through many rigorous processes. So their products so their products are extremely good and highly competitive in the international market. In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages of conducting
research
 by group are more considerable than its disadvantages.
Submitted by trminhchau27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas and examples to better address the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas and connecting your points in a more coherent structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific research
  • private sector
  • government funding
  • technological innovation
  • competitive nature
  • profitable outcomes
  • conflict of interest
  • corporate bias
  • economic stimulation
  • public interest
  • non-profitable
  • public welfare
  • commercial applications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: