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Band 4

Advertising encourages customers to buy in quantity not in quality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#customers #quantity #quality
Schools
 are one of the most significant
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
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in
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of
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personal
growing
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growth
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. There we spend on average eleven vital years during which
Correct article usage
the child
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 became
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Schools
 extremely influenced
on
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apply
show examples
our
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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, character and habits.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
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 academia
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 special classes based on health, but fatness and diabetes are still critical problems all around the world, that’s why I think that it is not one because
schools
 do not do enough to describe
students
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to students
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 all
essential
Correct article usage
the essential
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of
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy lifestyle. Nowadays,
schools
, especially in my city, give students a huge amount of valuable and necessary information about people’s bodies, health and illnesses, which we may have, if we do not do some simple things,
for example
: clean
teeth
Correct pronoun usage
our teeth
show examples
 before sleeping and after raising; do exercises for keeping your body in decent conditions; do not eat a lot of fast food and so on. In my school, we had special classes with home tasks, where
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
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 in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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 told us how to live better and easier life without unnecessary illnesses. Was it helpful? Partly. I know everything
how
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about how
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 to avoid HIV and because of the dangerous pictures in student
books
Add a comma
,books
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 I will one hundred
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 follow
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 rules.
However
, despite the fact, that
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health care teachers
also
 told us a lot, we continue eating harmful food and watching films
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all night. Probably it is because in Tv shows cool teenagers did it a lot and in our
minds
Add a comma
,minds
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 it looks like a great idea
of
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for
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time
Correct article usage
the time
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spending
Replace the word
spent
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. For
me
Add a comma
,me
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 deleterious food was, as it is
also
 called, forbidden fruit. My parents prohibited me
eating
Change preposition
from eating
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such
 dishes throughout
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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my childhood, that’s why I thought that it may be
extremely
Correct article usage
an extremely
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 independent action.
However
, with time I understand how
preferably
Change the word
preferable
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 is to sleep well and eat properly. In conclusion, my opinion is, that
schools
 do pretty enough to explain
all
Correct determiner usage
the
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 magnitude of healthy living and how noncompliance with rules will affect
on
Change preposition
apply
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others.
However
, what to do with personal’s life is everyone’s own business.
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
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 students cannot understand all aspects of that topic and time will explain to them.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advertising psychology
  • Consumer behavior
  • Marketing techniques
  • Psychological triggers
  • Consumerism
  • Longevity
  • Overall satisfaction
  • Environmental implications
  • Social media influence
  • Influencer marketing
  • Impulsive buying
  • Sustainability
  • Quality versus quantity
  • Purchasing behavior
  • Resist impulsive purchases
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