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Band 4

People believe the over-use of smartphones are causing many problems in our lives, and it should be regulated. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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The ubiquity of smartphones forever alters
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human interaction as we once
knew
Correct pronoun usage
itknew
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;
on the other hand
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, the side effects that come with them are captivating sizable media attention.
This
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 essay seeks to demonstrate the smart
Use synonyms
devices
Change noun form
devices'
device's
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 conundrums and proposes that
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 form of regulation is warranted. Given the situation, it is hardly surprising that numerous media outlets are outcrying wounds inflicted by smartphones. They are sophisticatedly designed
devices
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 to not simply facilitate our lives but the ones depriving many of our innate abilities. Science research indicates that it is the biggest culprit responsible for our waning attention span,
thus
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 causing mounting complaints from teachers that they are forced to become “actors or actresses” to capture students’ fleeting attention
span
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spans
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. People
also
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 have been starting to lose empathy as we are now so accustomed to
conduct
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conducting
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 online chatting
instead
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 of authentic genuine face-to-face interaction. On the
surface
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,surface
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 it contributes to growing productivity as people reduce
time
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 on travel.
However
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, on a deeper level, because we don’t have to task ourselves with reading body language and detecting tiny facial muscular movements, we lose
this
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nature
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natural
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 capability of what
everyone
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every one
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 of us used to have — an aptitude to emotionally and physically connect with others. Left unchecked, who knows what
further
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damages
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damage
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 those tiny
devices
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 would do to us? Regulation,
thus
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, is wholeheartedly welcomed, but the
million dollar
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million-dollar
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 question is — by whom? For the starter, governments are not in place to carry out the regulatory duty, as it is up to the citizens to decide what lives they seek to live as long as within the confines of laws. 1 Legislation of any
sorts
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sort
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 would run the risk of greatly violating the freedom of individuals. Moving on to people themselves, with the best intention, it is extremely unlikely, if not impossible, that we would effectively self-regulate our own digital
time
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 spent on phones due to the irresistibility of online connectivity and the fact that we are the ones responsible for creating
this
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 dilemma in the
first
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 place. What about phone makers?
A imposed
Correct article usage
Imposed
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screen
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 limits or allowance would be a wise solution
from
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for
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the
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apply
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precisely the entities that cause the trouble. Phone-makers should roll out
leveled
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levelled
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screen
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
alarm
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alarms
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 according to age groups, considering the developmental stages of brains. Don’t mistake the measure
with
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for
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 impeding individual freedom as the measure only intends to dutifully remind users of their
screen
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time
Use synonyms
. Children should be seriously alarmed
in
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at
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 how much
time
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 they are permitted to
maneuver
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manoeuvre
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 the
devices
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, given their limited self-control. Adults,
on the other hand
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,
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
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 sanctioned to set rules for themselves. In the end, it is much easier to create a problem than to solve it as the over-reliance on smart
devices
Use synonyms
 is now a state
of
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apply
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norm
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the norm
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 and has permeated every crevice of humanity. It has
modeled
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modelled
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 and will be continuing to model human
behavior
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behaviour
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 whether we relish it or not. If we consider it a problem
then
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 the best cure is to pose
a
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apply
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check
on
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apply
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our
screen
Use synonyms
time
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, and it is best done through smartphone makers. May there be a day when companies judge the
successfulness
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success
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 of their products not based on how much
time
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 they can devour from users, but on how much
time
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well-spent
Add a missing verb
is well-spent
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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