IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, we can watch entertainment performances from the screen and no need to watch it live. To what extend do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge

#entertainment #performances #screen
This
 world is coming to the streaming era
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when many streaming
sites
 have competed to possess variations of content that can attract
audiences
such
 as TV shows, movies,
theatre
 plays and concerts.
As a result
, many people think that they just need to enjoy their favourite shows at home rather than go to the
livehouse
Correct your spelling
live house
 or
theatre
. I partly agree with
this
 opinion. There are several reasons why more and more
audiences
 are fascinated by streaming
sites
. If they want to watch a live show, they have to buy tickets early or they will be sold out. Streaming can
also
 reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of reselling with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 price unimaginably higher than the original.
Moreover
,
audiences
 just can watch a show at the
theatre
 at a certain time, while
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
streaming
sites
 they can watch anytime they want. Streaming
sites
 are helpful not only for watchers but
also
 for artists. During the pandemic era, many artists perform at no-audience stages and stream
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
online. With
this
 method, artists are still able to earn money and keep in touch with their fans.
Although
 streaming has many merits, it cannot completely replace the former way of entertainment. It is because
audiences
 cannot have full experiences just by
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 small screen of
laptop
Correct article usage
a laptop
show examples
 or tablet. While
audiences
 at the
theatre
 can see all the sides of the stage,
expressions
Correct article usage
the expressions
show examples
 of all performers, ones at home can just see some parts which were recorded by cameras. And for movie watchers, just in movie
theatres
Add a comma
,theatres
show examples
 they are served with high solution big screens and lively sound effects.
In addition
, sometimes it is boring to watch something alone. In that
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 you can share the joy with others who have the same interest at the stage. In conclusion, streaming
sites
 will continue to develop but the stages still have not lost their charm. Both will survive in the future.
Submitted by htxdao on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: