IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people argue that globalisation has been a great benefit to people around the world, while others believe that it is the cause of many of the problems we see today. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #globalisation #benefit #world
In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 homeworking is very good, because many
people
 are able to work from
home
, so they do not need to go somewhere far.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 you do not
lost
Change the verb form
lose
show examples
 the way
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the office or classroom,
you
Correct word choice
and you
show examples
 do not need to find the person
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
you need, because he is over there, in an online conference and for some
people
 who find it hard
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
communicate
Change the verb form
communicating
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
live, online work will become a comfortable place. I think
works
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 at
home
 do not have
a problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
a problem
problems
show examples
, only if communication disappears in
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
People
, who study at
home
 have more problems
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
 can explain the lesson not understandable or because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lazy
people
 just will only pretend that they doing something. Some
people
 do not even hide it.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 communication
is disappear
Change the verb form
disappears
show examples
, so
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 may not get to know anyone, just like the rest. But
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 other hand, homeworking
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for
people
.
People
 do not need to go somewhere
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
, so the air may become cleanlier than now.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
people
 do not
came
Change the verb form
come
show examples
home
 very late, because after work they will continue to stay at
home
 and even some
people
 will be able to sleep
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they will go to bed earlier. So yeah, it will be
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 not only for
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 for the world around us. In the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 I can say that our advances in technological communication help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 and for nature. Of course, even here there will be disadvantages, but there are not so many of them and they depend on the person himself.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • economic growth
  • technological advancement
  • rapid spread
  • intercultural understanding
  • collaboration
  • exploitation
  • environmental degradation
  • erosion
  • inequality
  • cultural identity
  • global consumer culture
  • equitable
  • sustainable development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: