IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #think #activities #child’s #health
New technologies have completely changed our
way
 of living. The introduction of equipment
such
 as televisions, mobile phones and video
games
 has a daily impact on our health.
Furthermore
, people are becoming more addicted to
this
way
 of life ,especially
children
. More and less
this
 new trend is not beneficial for the mental health of a child. Let me illustrate some points below to show the adverse effect.
Firstly
, with these new products in our life, our youngsters have a trend to neglect all other things around and to concentrate only on video
games
 or mobile phones. Our young ones do not socialise with their surroundings. Communication between
parents
 and
children
 has decreased drastically. Even during dinner time, youngsters will prefer to have their meals in front of the television watch movies or in their room playing
games
 on their mobile rather than sitting and chatting with their
parents
. Another adverse effect is that our youngsters give more interest in these
games
 rather than in their education. Very often homework or assignments are not done properly, or worst not done at all as they have spent all their time playing
games
 or chatting on social networks. It has
also
 been proven that our new generation sleeps less and there is a lack of concentration, resulting in a decrease in their performance while studying.
Thus
 at the end of their studies, exam results will not be that favourable. In conclusion, it is the duty of
parents
 to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper discipline of
children
.
Moreover
,
parents
 should think twice before giving these game consoles to their
children
. Before ending, I must say that the
way
 a child reacts in society reflects the
way
 he or she has been raised by his
parents
, so
parents
 must be very cautious about the hazards of these new technologies.
Submitted by amandachokupermal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: