People should look after their health for personal benefits, rather than a duty for a society. What extent do you agree or disagree?

People
have different views on whether the goal of self-healthcare is for individual or social benefits. Personally, I agree that individuals take care of their
health
for their own
benefits
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benefit
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.
First
of all, I can see why
people
think that keeping good
health
is their duty to
society
. The main reason is that when someone is unhealthy, they are unable to benefit
society
.
For example
, if they are a worker and they are in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
period of illness, they have to stay at home or go to the hospital; during
this
time, they cannot do anything and lose value to the development of
society
.
Furthermore
,
society
is forced to support a part of
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
fees of those sick
people
when they are in the hospital due to
health
problems.
As a result
, these individuals become a burden to
society
, so taking good care of themselves is their obligation to
society
.
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
Nervertheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, I strongly agree that everyone should take care
health
of themselves for their own
advantages
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advantage
show examples
.
Firstly
, it motivates them to
Correct your spelling
pursue
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
this
target. In fact, doing something for yourself is always more motivating than
Correct your spelling
something
someting
Correct your spelling
something
you are forced to do.
For instance
, in
term
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terms
show examples
of learning, you are going to feel very tired ad
stressful
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stressed
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if you think you have to study because your parents want; in
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contrast
constrast
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contrast
, if you want to get
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
job in the future since you do your best, you will not feel tired because of your efforts.
Secondly
, if
people
get sick, they are
first
and most affected. In fact,
people
cannot work for money and are forced a lot of money for medicine and hospital bills. In conclusion,
although
people
have to keep healthy for
society
, it seems to me that
people
should look after
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
for personal
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
Submitted by quangha2504 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
What to do next:
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