People should look after their health for personal benefits, rather than a duty for a society. What extent do you agree or disagree?

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People
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have different views on whether the goal of self-healthcare is for individual or social benefits. Personally, I agree that individuals take care of their
health
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for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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.
First
Linking Words
of all, I can see why
people
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think that keeping good
health
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is their duty to
society
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. The main reason is that when someone is unhealthy, they are unable to benefit
society
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.
For example
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, if they are a worker and they are in
the
Correct article usage
a
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period of illness, they have to stay at home or go to the hospital; during
this
Linking Words
time, they cannot do anything and lose value to the development of
society
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.
Furthermore
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,
society
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is forced to support a part of
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
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fees of those sick
people
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when they are in the hospital due to
health
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problems.
As a result
Linking Words
, these individuals become a burden to
society
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, so taking good care of themselves is their obligation to
society
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.
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
Nervertheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, I strongly agree that everyone should take care
health
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of themselves for their own
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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.
Firstly
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, it motivates them to
Correct your spelling
pursue
persue
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pursue
this
Linking Words
target. In fact, doing something for yourself is always more motivating than
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something
someting
Correct your spelling
something
you are forced to do.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
of learning, you are going to feel very tired ad
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
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if you think you have to study because your parents want; in
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contrast
constrast
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contrast
, if you want to get
good
Change the article
a good
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job in the future since you do your best, you will not feel tired because of your efforts.
Secondly
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, if
people
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get sick, they are
first
Linking Words
and most affected. In fact,
people
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cannot work for money and are forced a lot of money for medicine and hospital bills. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
people
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have to keep healthy for
society
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, it seems to me that
people
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should look after
Use synonyms
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
for personal
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
Submitted by quangha2504 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
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