I think that for some people subjects arts, music and drama are more important, therefore they want to pay attention only to that, and some people disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I want to discuss and explain my point of view.

#people #subjects #arts #music #drama #attention #point

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Firstly

, I think that if a person is good

Change preposition

show examples

art or music than

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other subjects,

then

she has

chance

Add an article

a chance

the chance

show examples

to make up a good career.

For instance

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show examples

have a sister who did not want to teach

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apply

show examples

academic subjects but was better at drawing.

However

, she may not be able to do well in school exams, but she was very good at drawing and had enough

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

in drawing.

Therefore

, she decided to enter the University where she taught art and want to open her

your

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

popular gallery.

As a result

, my sister may

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not

show examples

bot

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not

show examples

be an engineer or something, but she may

will

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apply

show examples

do her job better and

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maybe

show examples

may be

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maybe

show examples

this

job will bring her

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success

succes

Correct your spelling

success

in later life. To some

extent

Add a comma

,extent

show examples

these interests help people to self-knowledge.

In other words

engaged

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being engaged

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in streams, like dance

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and

anf

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and

music bring out the hidden talents in a person.

For example

, dancing in some forms

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

to develop a healthy mindset and can be given

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

different sounds and

rhytms

Correct your spelling

rhythms

Consequently

, that self-knowledge helps them reduce their aggressive nature. In conclusion,

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show examples

guess that everyone can individually go to circles and develop there. For

this

one does not need to offer a lot of time for art or music, since

this

is a

person

Change noun form

person's

show examples

sympathy for

this

subject.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Thu Nov 17 2022

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

219 words

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I think that for some people subjects arts, music and drama are more important, therefore they want to pay attention only to that, and some people disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I want to discuss and explain my point of view.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparison where necessary.

In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

erTelevision serves many useful functions. It helps people to relax. Besides, it can also be seen as a companion for lonely people. To what extent do you agree with this? Explain why with your own experience.