I think that for some people subjects arts, music and drama are more important, therefore they want to pay attention only to that, and some people disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I want to discuss and explain my point of view.

#people #subjects #arts #music #drama #attention #point

Firstly

, I think that if a person is good

Change preposition

show examples

art or music than

Change preposition

show examples

other subjects,

then

she has

chance

Add an article

a chance

the chance

show examples

to make up a good career.

For instance

Change the capitalization

show examples

have a sister who did not want to teach

Change preposition

apply

show examples

academic subjects but was better at drawing.

However

, she may not be able to do well in school exams, but she was very good at drawing and had enough

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

in drawing.

Therefore

, she decided to enter the University where she taught art and want to open her

your

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

popular gallery.

As a result

, my sister may

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

bot

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

be an engineer or something, but she may

will

Remove a modal verb

apply

show examples

do her job better and

Correct your spelling

maybe

show examples

may be

Correct your spelling

maybe

show examples

this

job will bring her

Correct your spelling

success

succes

Correct your spelling

success

in later life. To some

extent

Add a comma

,extent

show examples

these interests help people to self-knowledge.

In other words

engaged

Add a missing verb

being engaged

show examples

in streams, like dance

Correct your spelling

and

anf

Correct your spelling

and

music bring out the hidden talents in a person.

For example

, dancing in some forms

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

to develop a healthy mindset and can be given

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

different sounds and

rhytms

Correct your spelling

rhythms

Consequently

, that self-knowledge helps them reduce their aggressive nature. In conclusion,

Change the capitalization

show examples

guess that everyone can individually go to circles and develop there. For

this

one does not need to offer a lot of time for art or music, since

this

is a

person

Change noun form

person's

show examples

sympathy for

this

subject.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Thu Nov 17 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

219 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
In the contemporary world, the debate on whether children should begin learning language at primary school rather than secondary school is a prominent one. While there are compelling arguments on both sides, I believe that the advantages of early language learning outweigh the disadvantages.
6.5
band
In some countries, owning a home rather than rent is important for people. Why is this the case?　Do you think that this is a positive or negative situation?
In certain nations, it is commonly suggested that individuals should own their own homes rather than renting since, in these countries, local real estate agencies and governments often collaborate to offer enticing incentives that take advantage of individuals. However, I personally believe that this is not a practical or cost-effective solution. Instead, living in affordable rental houses or apartments enables individuals to allocate their resources towards other important endeavours. In the following paragraphs, I will provide examples to support this argument.
4
band
You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter describe the situation explain your problems and why it is difficult to work say what kind of accommodation you would prefe
I am Simi and I am living in the accommodation that is provided by the college. I am writing this letter in regard to expressing my dissatisfaction with the arrangement of my room as I am sharing my room with another student and i find it very difficult for me to stay there.
4.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
In some countries, where people buy places to live instead of building their own houses, it has become a trend to find the past events of the building they are going to buy. This essay discusses some of the causes for this as well as how public can encounter these informations.
5
band
The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays it is becoming more and more common for individuals to form their personal relationships using social networking sites. Although many people point out that this trend could affect communication between people, I think the benefits to society as a whole will overshadow these perceived disadvantages.

I think that for some people subjects arts, music and drama are more important, therefore they want to pay attention only to that, and some people disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I want to discuss and explain my point of view.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, owning a home rather than rent is important for people. Why is this the case? Do you think that this is a positive or negative situation?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages.

In some countries, owning a home rather than rent is important for people. Why is this the case?　Do you think that this is a positive or negative situation?