IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people while others believe tgat the purpose of museum is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #museums #places #tgat #purpose #museum
Some would argue that
museums
 should be for fun
while
 others say that it is a
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to provide knowledge by showing the antiques.
This
 essay below will discuss both views
along with
 my opinion.
To begin
 with, when
museums
 are designed for fun people visiting it will gain more knowledge because they tend to retain more when they are learning with entertainment. To exemplify, significant numbers of national and international tourists from across the globe are travelling to the United Arab Emirates to see 'The Museum of the Future, which is full of fun and educational at the same time.
Therefore
, it gives the kind of energy needed for the study.
However
, in my opinion, entertainment disturbs the flow of study as they will use all their given point for enjoyment so, the result will not be satisfactory.
Moreover
,
museums
 are placed which has their motto to teach students by showing the real objects that have been preserved there. They can learn about the antique objects and can compare the transition in present and
also
 can predict for future.
For instance
, almost every school in Nepal take their primary and secondary level students to '
Gorkha
Correct article usage
The Gorkha
show examples
 Museum' to show how Nepal was unified in the 18th century which
also
 displays various ethnic and cultural heritage of Nepal. So
this
 is becoming the easiest way to teach history about Nepal's unification.
Hence
, I believe
museums
 are the best place to learn and their goal should be preserved.
To conclude
, visiting
museums
 provides a short time frame and if that time is taken for entertainment
then
 learning will be poor,
thus
, personally, I believe, the museum's purpose of providing effective education should be maintained.
Submitted by susmitabhusal71 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more examples and supporting details to strengthen your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structure for errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: