IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many manufactured food and drink products contain high level off sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
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It is believed that produced food and drink which contain high
carbohidrate
Correct your spelling
carbohydrate
carbohydrates
level
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levels
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affect
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effect
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on
Change preposition
apply
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humans
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human
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 health.Since they cause many diseases
such
Linking Words
 as heart problems,
Correct word choice
and diabetics
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diabetics
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diabetes
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,the government should increase the cost of sugar
products
Use synonyms
 that will make them accessible and force
population
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the population
a population
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 to intake less
carbohidrate
Correct your spelling
carbohydrate
carbohydrates
.In my opinion , reducing environmental health issues by making
prices
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 higher is a good
Correct your spelling
decision
desicion
Correct your spelling
decision
. To start with today's problem
mainly
Add a missing verb
is mainly
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 caused by the difference
of
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in
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prices
Use synonyms
 between healthy and harmful food,but
ministries
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ministries'
ministry's
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 intervention
on
Change preposition
in
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prices
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 field could change the situation totally.
Firstly
Linking Words
,more expensive sugary
products
Use synonyms
 will encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.Making junky food less accessible by changing the price ,force
people
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 to buy other ,more healthy
production
Replace the word
products
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.
For example
Linking Words
,when individuals have
choice
Add an article
a choice
the choice
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 between
hamburger
Correct article usage
a hamburger
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 with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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 level of sugar and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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2 portions of
great
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the great
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 soup at the same price ,they will
choice
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choose
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 the
second
Linking Words
 option. The
healthy
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health
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 issues caused by intaking harmful snacks
also
Linking Words
 may reduce by increasing the
prices
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 of sugary
products
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.The lack of
Correct your spelling
choice
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 among unhealthy
production
Replace the word
products
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lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 individuals to become
more
Change the word
apply
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healthier by changing their diets.
For instance
Linking Words
,when
people
Use synonyms
's
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
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 include only beneficial
products
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 for an organism,
people
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 can't have health problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity.Making
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of
products
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 less desirable helps to improve the quality of life for almost every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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. To summarize,manufactured things with high sugar level results
a
Change preposition
in a
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lot of diseases and changing the cost for them can encourage
people
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 to consume less junky eats.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
force
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forces
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people
Use synonyms
 to lead
healthier
Add an article
a healthier
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 lifestyle.Generally ,it is one of the best options to improve society's well-being.
Submitted by errorof20066 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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