IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #earth #activity #place
Although
 some
people
 thought that the
world
 is being harmed because of human performances, other
people
 do not agree with
this
 they feel
like
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
human actions make the earth a better place to live in.In my
Opinion
Fix capitalization
opinion
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel that human activities are very useful for the globe. On the one hand,
technology
 is one of
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 on earth
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are doing various things to improve the quality of the
world
. By using
technology
people
 are able to progress in medicine,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
 are coming out of isolation. Being able to discover new information the wonder of innovation is coming to the arts,human are benefiting the
world
 in social, political, economic and all aspects through information
technology
. Recently
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are improving globalization with information
technology
 as nearly 95%of the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 educational institutions have introduced computers.
On the other hand
,the
world
 is creating new factories for the work done by man.
First
 of all,the area is being by cutting down trees to build the factory, the amount of oxygen is decreasing and the carbon dioxide is increasing,
secondly
 the fumes of the factories polluting the environment,
thirdly
 there is a shortage of safe water due to the contamination of the water by waste materials of the factories. I remember,
for example
, 27
people
 died in our area in 2019 due to toxic gas from the factory. In conclusion,
which
Correct word choice
while
show examples
people
 may vary in their opinions,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that globalization is doing more good than bad
as a result
 of human activities.
Submitted by samsulislam43.si on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • renewable resources
  • carbon footprint
  • conservation
  • ecology
  • emissions
  • fossil fuels
  • greenhouse gases
  • habitat destruction
  • industrialization
  • pollutants
  • recycling
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: