IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #music #cultures #ages
The figure illustrates the production process of electricity from the
water
 movement, which consists of different steps and complex
structure
Fix the agreement mistake
structures
show examples
. We can see that there are two reservoirs, where the
first
 is at
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level
 and the
second
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
level
. Starting at the river, from which
water
 flows into the
high
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
level
 reservoir where they are stored. The dam encloses the reservoir, in order to control the movement of
water
 in and back. During the day, the intake opens to allow the flow of
water
 downward to generate electricity. Whereas, at night it returns back by pumping. Coming to the following step, In which reversible turbines and a generator are present inside the power station. These turbines operate the generator
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 passing
water
 to the
low
Add a hyphen
low-level
show examples
level
 reservoir, which is considered the final line.
Consequently
, the
water
 is pumped back by those turbines at night.
Finally
, Comes the generator which produces electricity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 transfers it through power lines into the national grid.
Submitted by bestmahmoud98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: