IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that using social media instead of watching television at young ages. How are the advantages and disadvantages of this topic?

#people #media #television #ages #topic
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 platform has become an inevitable part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the life of youth and is booming day by day.
However
Linking Words
, the focus of the essay is to talk over the merits and demerits of
Use synonyms
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of social
media
Use synonyms
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 rather than paying attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
small
Add an article
the small
show examples
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers and those shall be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, of the many
advantages
Add a comma
,advantages
show examples
 one of the main
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 on television is that individuals can access
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the network according to their convenience. To elaborate, young
once
Correct your spelling
ones
show examples
 can make
use
Use synonyms
 of social
Correct your spelling
media
meadia
Correct your spelling
media
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 according to their free time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it provides the
opprtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 of
wide
Add an article
a wide
the wide
show examples
 variety of
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 than a television.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 allow people to communicate with persons in another nation without any barriers. To clarify, it is simple as well as cheap to contact dear and near ones through social
media
Use synonyms
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 where
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
television cannot assist in these situations.
For example
Linking Words
, social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 like
facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
show examples
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 and
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
Whatsapp
watsapp
Correct your spelling
whatsapp
 are extremely serving not only in communication but
also
Linking Words
 sharing things for educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 platform has many drawbacks too. Of the many
demerits
Add a comma
,demerits
show examples
 one of the main
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
show examples
 is the misuse of teenagers. To be precise, there is a chance to mislead the younger generation through social
media
Use synonyms
 and it may threaten
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 study conducted by Law students in Kerala in 2018 depicted that 47% of illegal activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
occurred
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
 by the enormous
use
Use synonyms
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 in small age.
In addition
Linking Words
,
huge
Correct article usage
the huge
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 may drastically affect young children's education. To clarify, students may
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 concentration on their studies by the
Correct your spelling
overuse
show examples
over
Correct your spelling
overuse
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 of
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
. To conclude, understanding the pros of social
media
Use synonyms
 on
TV
Change the noun form
tvs
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy access at any time and the demerits
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
 situations, it is hopeful that young age individuals will assess and utilize the assistance of social
media
Use synonyms
 wisely in the days to come.
Submitted by ammuj93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: