IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some argue that patriotism is the primary cause of wars globally. Others feel that it serves to prevent less ethical politicians from running a country and starting wars. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#argue #patriotism #wars #politicians #country
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It may be
basic
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the basic
a basic
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 reason that countries are willing to start
war
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a war
the war
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 because of historical background. In the past, there were no as
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 as countries
like
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in
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present
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the present
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 because
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 powerful kingdoms which had
strong
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a strong
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army
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armies
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 and wealthy
treasure
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treasures
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 invaded half of the world.
However
Linking Words
, those kingdoms were separated as time passed and their remains are separate and independent states in
modern
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the modern
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 period. So each state has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
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 reason that other lands to belong
them
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to them
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 due to past history.
Linking Words
Also
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,Also
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 cultural, religious and
race
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racial
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 differences may encourage
people
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 to protect and continue their heredity among other communities
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 in
same
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the same
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country
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 which has
wide
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a wide
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 range of
nationality
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nationalities
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 like India, China,
Russia
Correct word choice
and Russia
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.
In
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On
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 the other hand,
people
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 have common futures which link them to their countries even though they have different cultural characteristics. If some politicians are interested to make ethnic disturbances between communities, it would
be
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
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resulted
Add the preposition
inresulted
fromresulted
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 national war within the
country
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. Government tends to keep those
people
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 in the
country
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 in order to prevent out of control. Promotions of
Use synonyms
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 common values, for
instances
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instance
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,
flag
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flags
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,
hymn
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hymns
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,
symbols
Correct word choice
and symbols
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 make
people
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 love their homeland and create patriotism for one purpose. In conclusion, I think because
external
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of external
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 threads and
maintenance
Correct article usage
the maintenance
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 independency of
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
a country
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, patriotism may help
people
Use synonyms
 to understand their role as
Add an article
a citizen
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citizen
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citizens
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. But it mustn’t be forgotten that overrated patriotism may crush two parties with each other due to misunderstandings and agreements.
Therefore
Linking Words
 humans should balance their feelings toward their motherland and respect others’ values too.
Submitted by zemamikayil on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nationalism
  • xenophobia
  • aggressive policies
  • accountability
  • diplomacy
  • national unity
  • ethical political leadership
  • extreme patriotism
  • patriotic sentiment
  • diplomatic solutions
  • internal conflicts
  • external conflicts
What to do next:
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