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Writing Samples
Band 5

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. D you think the avantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #avantages #development
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With the modern developments in the medical industry, the expected
life
 of
people
 has
been
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apply
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increased considerably, during the
last
 few decades and
same
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the same
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 is expected to be continued in the future. There are many social and
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financial
finnancial
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financial
 consequences of increased
life
 expectancy. By looking into these outcomes I believe that
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positive
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the possitive
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possitive
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positive
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effects
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affects
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effects
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 outweigh the negative
affects
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effects
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 as described below. On one hand, there are many advantages of increased
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lifetimes
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life times
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lifetimes
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 of individuals
such
 as retaining
experienced
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an experienced
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workforce
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work force
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workforce
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, preserving cultures and facilitating child care. For an instance ,
few
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a few
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 decades back the
life
 expectancy of
people
 vary around 60~65
years
, and now it has
been
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apply
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increased
up
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to 75~80
years
in
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on
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 average.
As a result
 , at
present
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,present
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 the average retirement age of
people
 is
in
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apply
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and around 60
years
.
That is
,
people
 can engage in productive activities for additional 15
years
.
Moreover
 , elderly
people
with
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in
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 good health
,
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apply
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 can look after their
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grandkids
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grand kids
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grandkids
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 by releasing their
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parents
patents
partents
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parents
 for work.
This
 ensures the
well being
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well-being
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 of
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grandkids
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grand kids
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grandkids
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 with cultural showers, as well as
reduce
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reduces
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 the stresses of the young
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workforce
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work force
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workforce
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.
On the other hand
, when
people
 live long lives there is a risk of
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overpopulation
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over population
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overpopulation
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. As we all
awar
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aware
, our planet has limited
resources
 and
increased
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an increased
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 population will
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adversely
adversly
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adversely
 affect
on
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apply
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the available share of
the
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apply
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resources
.
However
, we can overcome
this
 issue by exploring new
resources
 and increasing the usage efficiency of the existing
resources
. To conclude, I strongly believe that the social and financial
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benefits
benifits
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benefits
 of increased
life
 expectancy
is
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apply
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outweigh the negative
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effects
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affects
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effects
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 of the same as described above.
Submitted by thurecds on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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