IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe famous people’s support for international aid organizations draw public attention. Others think celebrities reduce the importance of the problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #people’s #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities #importance
The
Correct your spelling
Some
show examples
 individuals think
Correct your spelling
public
publice
Correct your spelling
public
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
musn
Correct your spelling
must
 take care of the international aid organizations can improve and draw
people
's attention but despite of
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
advantages
Add a comma
,advantages
show examples
 some others believed celebrities can be even harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
this
 cycle. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 they can be very helpful in
this
 way
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 try to repeat their legend's
Correct your spelling
behaviours
behvaiours
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 and habits.
Due to
Change preposition
The
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
's feelings about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities, influencers and public
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 are really positive, and it can have direct relation between emotion and
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
. If some of them advertise or support
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any way it can be a huge help for organizations because of the
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
exploud
Correct your spelling
explored
 and they accept whatever their myth says.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 if Leo Messi (
Best
Correct article usage
The best
show examples
 football player all over the
Correct your spelling
world
wrold
Correct your spelling
world
 and
player
Correct article usage
a player
show examples
 of Argentina and Barcelona FC) tell
people
 to support
this
 charity or help international aid organizations,
people
 did it just because of their feeling
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 that person and show
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 love and respect.
On the other hand
, if that person
doing
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong job, or has a mistake, it can be very dangerous because he or she going to be hated by everyone, and the result of it just can be damaging that organization
instead
 of helping and supporting them.
For example
, if Johny Sins go to Kenya to help sick
people
 as a doctor, everyone
hate
Change the verb form
hates
show examples
 and
curse
Correct subject-verb agreement
curses
show examples
 him. To sum up, both side has some positive and negative points, in my view,
firstly
 using famous
people
 for
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
 is good,
secondly
, they have to find the right person.
Submitted by Sobhan Izadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: