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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your opinion?

#governments #progress #people #country
Nowadays, a
number
 of
governments
 tend to think that
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 process is the goal
number
 one which has to be accomplished as fast as possible.
As
Change preposition
On
show examples
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
opposite
Replace the word
opposed
show examples
, some people are confident that their
governments
 have a multitude of
problems
 which are forced to be solved. In my point of view, individuals are right and many
problems
 are essential for
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 nation.
This
 essay will examine both points of view and a conclusion will be given.
First
 and foremost, the goal of many
governments
 is to make their country richer in a short period of time.
Furthermore
, they
establish
Change the form of the verb
established
show examples
 many factories and launch many
business
Change to a plural noun
businesses
show examples
 to increase indicators of the country by using minerals and fossil fuels of the earth.
Thus
, the county gets more wealthy and,
Correct your spelling
consequently
consequenlty
Correct your spelling
consequently
, each person gets richer.
Accordingly
, individuals get more opportunities to make their small businesses, buy cars, and
other
Add a missing verb
do other
show examples
 mandatory stuff. To give an illustration, a person is needy and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty is high in the city where he lives.
However
, the person knows that he is able to get a loan and open his small business and earn money.
Moreover
, the percentage of the loan is lower
Correct word choice
than
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 five
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 and it is profitable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human.
On the other hand
, people are struggling with a multitude of
problems
such
 as air pollution and exhaust fumes.
Accordingly
, the level of life is low and humans have a
number
 of
problems
health
Change preposition
with health
show examples
. Namely, they are forced to struggle with
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
 and respiratory
problems
.
Therefore
, if citizens are not able to work
full
Add an article
a full
show examples
 day because of health
problems
, it will be a huge problem for the country where they live since taxes will be not paid due to
impossibility
Add an article
the impossibility
show examples
 of workers
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 their job.
For instance
, full-time workers should solve their tasks roughly forty hours per week. Whereas, the employee is ill about twenty hours per week.
Hence
, the productivity of a company will be declined by half. To sum up, main
problems
 like air pollution and
exhaur
Correct your spelling
exhaust
 fumes are mandatory not only for people but
also
 for
governments
 and it should be the goal
number
 one which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 compelled to be achieved.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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