The use of the mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so the mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays mobile

phones

are everywhere, everybody has one and spends a large amount of time looking at its screen. It is argued by some that these electronic devices can have antisocial effects, as

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is the case of smoking, and

therefore

mobile

phones

should be prohibited in certain places as the policies

restricting

Wrong verb form

restrict

show examples

the use of cigarettes. While I agree that

phones

can have a significant antisocial impact, it is

also

true that it has a social component as well, as well as smoking. Mobile

phones

have become part of our

Correct your spelling

lives

life

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

show examples

. We take our phone everywhere we want to go and we feel anxious if we forget it at home, or even worse

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if it gets lost or damaged. These devices can influence our

Correct your spelling

behaviour

bevaviour

Correct your spelling

behaviour

and people can even develop a considerable level of

Correct your spelling

dependence

independence

dependance

Correct your spelling

dependence

. As I said previously, I totally support the idea that

phones

can be antisocial, as

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show examples

certain occasions individuals can pay more attention to them than to other people around them.

However

, in

this

day and age mobile

phones

also

contain an array of social applications that the public use to socialize online,

such

as WhatsApp, Instagram, WeChat or Facebook. As regards

Change preposition

apply

show examples

smoking, some detractors (and I include myself) would say that it is an unsocial

Correct your spelling

practice

pratice

Correct your spelling

practice

, due to the fact that there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

many people who cannot stand being close to

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show examples

smoker and,

as a result

, they would leave the room

inmediately

Correct your spelling

immediately

Nonetheless

this

activity could be

also

considered at a certain point as social. To illustrate

this

point of view, we can have a look

Change preposition

show examples

the breaks workers use to take for smoking purposes, which are

also

a social situation, as they normally go with other colleagues and socialize. In conclusion, it is no doubt true that

phones

can be as unsocial as smoking in certain situations, but I do not think

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

should be banned as

tabacco

Correct your spelling

tobacco

Tabacco

, owing to

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

social potential and

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

importantace

Correct your spelling

importance

in everyone's

Correct your spelling

lives

show examples

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

life

Submitted by Diego on Mon Nov 21 2022

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

330 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

antisocial
social interactions
negative impacts
banning
regulated
completely banned
education
awareness campaigns
responsible
mobile phone use

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The use of the mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so the mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is important to take risks in both personal and professional life. Do you think that risk taking advantages outweighs the disadvantages?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the coutryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

Some think that the government should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people believe that we should protect all wild animals while others believe we should just protect some of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.