IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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By consuming a huge amount of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 individuals are suffering from health issues and the
number
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 got increased in a few states
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
 thought it is obligate that
governments
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 should increase the amounts of
tax
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 on
such
Linking Words
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
foods
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and
this
Linking Words
 essay will show the sufferings of poor
people
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 and the solution rather than increasing the
tax
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. To commence with, if
governments
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 increase taxes on fast
foods
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, perhaps a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should stop buying these
foods
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, but a
lot
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 of poor individuals will have to suffer a
lot
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 for large amounts of taxes.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who have a wealthy background will not stop to buy these types of
junk
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foods
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,
consequently
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
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 of
people
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 who will suffer from physical problems will not stop. Though there are a
lot
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 of adolescents and younger
people
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 who are recently gotten obsessed with
junk
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food
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, it is hard to convince them to stop
this
Linking Words
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, by taking some unavoidable steps
governments
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 can stop the
number
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 which is getting increased day by day.
For instance
Linking Words
, by making some publicity of diseases that are happening because of consuming
junk
Use synonyms
foods
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. Because of these ,
advertisements
Add a comma
,advertisements
show examples
 some
people
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 will obviously get conscious of
such
Linking Words
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of health issues. Perhaps by improving the
number
Use synonyms
 of playgrounds and playing parks as well as fitness centres it is possible to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue. If
people
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 take any kind of
food
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 but still do a
lot
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 of
exercise
Change to a plural noun
exercises
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it got adjusted in
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 bodies. To conclude, I disagree with the
tax
Use synonyms
 increment by
governments
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. Increasing exercise-related centres and playgrounds for
people
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’s fitness
instead
Linking Words
 of increasing the
tax
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
 can solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
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