IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
By consuming a huge amount of
junk
food
 individuals are suffering from health issues and the
number
 got increased in a few states
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
people
 thought it is obligate that
governments
 should increase the amounts of
tax
 on
such
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
foods
. I completely disagree with
this
 opinion and
this
 essay will show the sufferings of poor
people
 and the solution rather than increasing the
tax
. To commence with, if
governments
 increase taxes on fast
foods
, perhaps a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
people
 should stop buying these
foods
, but a
lot
 of poor individuals will have to suffer a
lot
 for large amounts of taxes.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
 who have a wealthy background will not stop to buy these types of
junk
foods
,
consequently
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
 of
people
 who will suffer from physical problems will not stop. Though there are a
lot
 of adolescents and younger
people
 who are recently gotten obsessed with
junk
food
, it is hard to convince them to stop
this
.
Secondly
, by taking some unavoidable steps
governments
 can stop the
number
 which is getting increased day by day.
For instance
, by making some publicity of diseases that are happening because of consuming
junk
foods
. Because of these ,
advertisements
Add a comma
,advertisements
show examples
 some
people
 will obviously get conscious of
such
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of health issues. Perhaps by improving the
number
 of playgrounds and playing parks as well as fitness centres it is possible to solve
this
 issue. If
people
 take any kind of
food
 but still do a
lot
 of
exercise
Change to a plural noun
exercises
show examples
then
 it got adjusted in
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 bodies. To conclude, I disagree with the
tax
 increment by
governments
. Increasing exercise-related centres and playgrounds for
people
’s fitness
instead
 of increasing the
tax
 on
food
 can solve
this
 problem.
Submitted by koly2751 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: