Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Mankind has wanted to have expensive

life

Use synonyms

since its creation. There is a new phenomenon that being rich and having luxury

life

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draws

people

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's attention more than their success ,

unfortunately

Add a comma

,unfortunately

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it dramatically affects youngsters badly. I opine

Remove the comma

apply

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that sort of tendency will kill creativity and push

people

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to earn easy money

instead

Linking Words

of working hard to gain an appropriate salary.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

people

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do not prefer to work in order to have luxury

life

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instead

Linking Words

of an intense schedule they are looking for the easy way. Even if they are successful when they have reached

the

Correct article usage

show examples

high standard of living, they stop working on it.

By doing

Change preposition

Doing

show examples

so, it would kill their creativity and their quality performance.

For instance

Linking Words

, Hakan Kurt, who had been playing in the Goztepe football club from 2002 to 2005, was the most popular athlete in Turkey.

Much

Correct quantifier usage

Many

show examples

big football teams had desired to transfer him.

However

Linking Words

, after he had gotten good fortune, he finished his football

life

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On the other hand

Linking Words

, today’s world has constituted many lazy individuals with that case. Nobody desire to be a labour. Since they are thinking that they would be able to earn a fortune effortlessly. That fact has increased among young

people

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, nowadays.

Therefore

Linking Words

big

Add an article

the big

show examples

amount of employers have difficulties finding an employee.

This

Linking Words

results in a decrease in

companies

Change noun form

companies'

company's

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production capacity. because young

people

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take a pattern the celebrity's

life

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standard.

for example

Linking Words

cousine

Correct your spelling

cousin

Ahmet his biggest dream is to be a singer, but he does not want to work a regular job. to sum up, famous

people

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's possessions and lifestyles have the wrong effect on youngsters. They are trying to have an easy fortune rather than gaining it while they are working. It has a massive effect on either famous

people

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or teenagers.

hence

Linking Words

, they lose their creativity and

also

Linking Words

companies have problem lack of a professional workforce.

altay0527Mon Nov 21 2022

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

313 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that all the lawbreakers should be taken into the prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. (for example, doing some work or learning some skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today ‘s world subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us buy things. Other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the environment as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.