Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Mankind has wanted to have expensive
life
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since its creation. There is a new phenomenon that being rich and having luxury
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

draws
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's attention more than their success ,
unfortunately
Add a comma
,unfortunately

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase unfortunately. Consider adding a comma.

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it dramatically affects youngsters badly. I opine
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma between the verb and object in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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that sort of tendency will kill creativity and push
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to earn easy money
instead
Linking Words

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of working hard to gain an appropriate salary.
To begin
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with,
people
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do not prefer to work in order to have luxury
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

instead
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of an intense schedule they are looking for the easy way. Even if they are successful when they have reached
the
Correct article usage
a

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high standard of living, they stop working on it.
By doing
Change preposition
Doing

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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so, it would kill their creativity and their quality performance.
For instance
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, Hakan Kurt, who had been playing in the Goztepe football club from 2002 to 2005, was the most popular athlete in Turkey.
Much
Correct quantifier usage
Many

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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big football teams had desired to transfer him.
However
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, after he had gotten good fortune, he finished his football
life
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.
On the other hand
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, today’s world has constituted many lazy individuals with that case. Nobody desire to be a labour. Since they are thinking that they would be able to earn a fortune effortlessly. That fact has increased among young
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, nowadays.
Therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

big
Add an article
the big

The noun phrase big amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amount of employers have difficulties finding an employee.
This
Linking Words

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results in a decrease in
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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production capacity. because young
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

take a pattern the celebrity's
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

standard.
for example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

my
cousine
Correct your spelling
cousin

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Ahmet his biggest dream is to be a singer, but he does not want to work a regular job. to sum up, famous
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's possessions and lifestyles have the wrong effect on youngsters. They are trying to have an easy fortune rather than gaining it while they are working. It has a massive effect on either famous
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

or teenagers.
hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they lose their creativity and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

companies have problem lack of a professional workforce.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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