Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

Mankind has wanted to have expensive

life

since its creation. There is a new phenomenon that being rich and having luxury

life

draws

people

's attention more than their success ,

unfortunately

Add a comma

,unfortunately

show examples

it dramatically affects youngsters badly. I opine

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

that sort of tendency will kill creativity and push

people

to earn easy money

instead

of working hard to gain an appropriate salary.

To begin

with,

people

do not prefer to work in order to have luxury

life

instead

of an intense schedule they are looking for the easy way. Even if they are successful when they have reached

the

Correct article usage

show examples

high standard of living, they stop working on it.

By doing

Change preposition

Doing

show examples

so, it would kill their creativity and their quality performance.

For instance

, Hakan Kurt, who had been playing in the Goztepe football club from 2002 to 2005, was the most popular athlete in Turkey.

Much

Correct quantifier usage

Many

show examples

big football teams had desired to transfer him.

However

, after he had gotten good fortune, he finished his football

life

On the other hand

, today’s world has constituted many lazy individuals with that case. Nobody desire to be a labour. Since they are thinking that they would be able to earn a fortune effortlessly. That fact has increased among young

people

, nowadays.

Therefore

big

Add an article

the big

show examples

amount of employers have difficulties finding an employee.

This

results in a decrease in

companies

Change noun form

companies'

company's

show examples

production capacity. because young

people

take a pattern the celebrity's

life

standard.

for example

cousine

Correct your spelling

cousin

Ahmet his biggest dream is to be a singer, but he does not want to work a regular job. to sum up, famous

people

's possessions and lifestyles have the wrong effect on youngsters. They are trying to have an easy fortune rather than gaining it while they are working. It has a massive effect on either famous

people

or teenagers.

hence

, they lose their creativity and

also

companies have problem lack of a professional workforce.

Submitted by altay0527 on Mon Nov 21 2022

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

313 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays more and more young people hold important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

SMore and more transitional companies are setting up their business operations in economically developing nations. In this essay, I will discuss about some benefits and drawbacks of the inhabitants who live in those countries.

Some people believ that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.