IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
workers
Use synonyms
 do not take enough
exercise
Use synonyms
 during the week, even when they have free
time
Use synonyms
, and
therefore
Linking Words
 they suffer from health issues. The main reasons why
this
Linking Words
 happens are a dearth of both
time
Use synonyms
 and
motivation
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
. It is a fact that
people
Use synonyms
 with full-
time
Use synonyms
 jobs are
time
Use synonyms
-poor. Long working hours and overtime, as well as family commitments, make it extremely difficult for working
people
Use synonyms
 to find sufficient
time
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
 or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
participate in
sports
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, I recall the mother of the kids I used to
Correct your spelling
babysit
show examples
baby-sit
Correct your spelling
babysit
show examples
 some
time
Use synonyms
 ago, and she had to struggle to ensure that she had
time
Use synonyms
 for other
activities
Use synonyms
 apart from her profession and child-care responsibilities.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
lack
Use synonyms
 of
motivation
Use synonyms
 can be another hindrance, as
workers
Use synonyms
 may be used to a rather sedentary lifestyle. To illustrate, my work as a translator has led me to a more sedentary life: I have personal experience of having to push myself harder to
exercise
Use synonyms
. A possible solution for the
lack
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 could be the implementation of relevant legislation mandating dignified wage levels for everyone, as well as fostering sporting
activities
Use synonyms
 which can be enjoyed by the whole family during the weekend. These measures would allow
people
Use synonyms
 to find more
time
Use synonyms
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
. Regarding the issue of
lack
Use synonyms
 of
motivation
Use synonyms
, a mandatory
sports
Use synonyms
 hour at the end of the day should be introduced as part of
people
Use synonyms
’s daily routine. As an illustration,
workers
Use synonyms
 would finish their work and participate in some sporting
activities
Use synonyms
 organized by the company, a measure from which not only
workers
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the enterprise would benefit. To conclude, two reasons that explain why
people
Use synonyms
 do not get enough
exercise
Use synonyms
 during the week are the limited
time
Use synonyms
 available and the
lack
Use synonyms
 of
motivation
Use synonyms
, which could be mitigated by
Correct your spelling
introducing
introducting
Correct your spelling
introducing
 effective legislation to create better-quality and better-paid jobs, promoting family
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 during the weekend, and implementing a mandatory in-company daily
sports
Use synonyms
 hour.
Submitted by Diego on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: