IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As a result
Linking Words
 of technology different kinds of mobile phones and electronic devices introduced to the world. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
present We can see most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people are using mobile phones.
Smartphones
Use synonyms
 help us to speed up some of our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life works. We can use those devices to call a person Who lives in any country, for taking pictures as memories, using the internet and social media. Now, many parents are giving
smartphones
Use synonyms
 to their
children
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of reasons. Most of the
children
Use synonyms
 are using that for their studies. In the ,past as a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 I
also
Linking Words
 used a mobile device for my study work. It really helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students to find data for any subject, to look at how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things work and how they can use that. The number of students getting knowledge from watching YouTube videos
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
 ,usage
children
Use synonyms
 know how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things are working so they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one step in front of their past generation. On the other ,side some
children
Use synonyms
 spend more hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every day with their phones for useless work. They are wasting their valuable learning time on bad things like video games, watching movies, social media and porn sites. That's not a good thing for their bright future. If
that's happen
Change the verb form
that happens
show examples
 it will harm
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mental and physical health in close future. So, on the positive side
smartphones
Use synonyms
 can give a bright future for
children
Use synonyms
 and on the negative
side
Add a comma
,side
show examples
 they can destroy
children
Use synonyms
's little minds and futures. It depends on the way how they use it. In my ,opinion I think parents must be guided their
children
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
regarding
show examples
 smartphone usage.
Submitted by nadilnsz2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: