IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In previous years, tourists travelled to foreign countries to meet differences between people around the
world
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. Presently, there is a cultural mix, and
cities
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 have become more similar. The main reason why it occurred is a globalisation process.
However
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, it's not beneficial and results in a loss of cultural
independency
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independence
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. On the one hand, globalisation makes the transfer of people and products around the
world
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 easily accessible. The phenomenon of migration and international trade contributed to multiculturalism and the gathering of foreign communities in different
cities
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.
Moreover
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, there are present popularised trends from Western countries inside Eastern and in opposition.
For example
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, famous cuisines are commonly available in almost every place in the
world
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, like Chinese food in the middle of Europe.
On the other hand
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, global integration brings loss of national heritage. The traditions and habits unique to one country are becoming common because of the spread of cultures.
As a result
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, travelling is less satisfying. People find enclaves of immigrants in distanced locations from their motherland. The most important value of travelling, knowledge about cultures and nations, can be accessed inside the country.
For example
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, in some large
cities
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, there are selected districts of foreign societies,
such
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 as Chinatown in London. In conclusion,
cities
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 around the
world
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 have more common features than it was in the past.
Although
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 the globalisation process has
brung
Correct your spelling
brought
 cultures to almost all places from their origin, in my opinion, it's a negative phenomenon.
Consequently
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, it has resulted in the loss of traditions and national independence.

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Introduction/Conclusion Improvement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and includes a thesis statement that outlines the main points. Similarly, conclude effectively by summarizing the points and restating the opinion. Enhance the introductory and concluding paragraphs for a stronger impact.
Development of Main Points
Develop your ideas more fully with specific examples. Each main point should be supported by detailed evidence or illustrations, which helps to elaborate on your argument and increases the persuasiveness of your essay.
Logical Structure Improvement
Work on the logical progression of thoughts throughout the essay. Paragraphs should flow naturally from one to the next, with clear topic sentences and cohesive devices that guide the reader. Avoid abrupt transitions to maintain coherence.
Task Response Enhancement
Make sure to address all parts of the task. The essay should encapsulate reasons behind the increasing similarity of cities as well as discuss whether this is a positive or negative development. Both arguments require equal development and attention.
Language Use Improvement
Strive for a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency. Consider rephrasing repetitive structures and using synonyms. Consistent accuracy in grammar also contributes to a higher score.
Idea Clarity and Depth
It's important to develop clear, comprehensive ideas that align with the topic of the essay. Aim for clarity and depth in presenting your points to fully explore the implications of the similarities between cities around the world.
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