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Band 5

Technology destoy social relationship. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #destoy #relationship
Whether the destruction of social
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 is the
result
 of technological advancements is a highly debatable topic. The writer of
this
 essay agrees with the statement because of the rise in social media, despite some who
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 that computers discourage socialization. It should be noted that the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 facilitates communication among
people
. The reason is that the development of technology makes way for an increase in social media usage.
This
 leads to a higher number of
people
 using these platforms, which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in the ease to find a new friend or to keep in touch with family and relatives.
As a
result
, the
relationship
 can be kept stable,
while
also
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 more efficient and less time-consuming. Take a comparison report between Facebook and the conventional way of forming
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
for example
, it has been shown that social media users are 50% more likely to continue with their friends.
However
, there are some
people
 who
contends
Change the verb form
contend
show examples
 that
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
 causes the destruction of
these
Change the determiner
this relationship
these relationships
show examples
relationship
. They
opines
Change the verb form
opine
show examples
 that computers and the internet
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
people
 less likely to go out and talk to other
people
as a
result
 of addiction or dependence.
While
this
 may be a valid point, it is the person's
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will to stay inside and be alone, not the effects of computers.
In addition
, excessive use of technological devices does not
necessary
Change the adjective
necessarily
show examples
 mean a decrease in the willingness to socialize. Taking all points into account,
while
 there may be some who
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that social
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 can be destroyed by the advancements in technology, proponents including myself
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that it actually facilitates communication and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 the formation of
these
Change the determiner
this relationship
these relationships
show examples
relationship
.

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language
Make sure to consistently use the appropriate grammatical forms and vocabulary to express your ideas clearly and accurately.
organization
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next by using transitional phrases. Also, ensure every point is consistently linked back to the main argument.
content development
It would strengthen your argument to incorporate more specific examples and data points that provide stronger support for your claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, presenting a coherent argument.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the prompt and offered a balanced view that includes multiple perspectives.
content development
The use of an example, such as the comparison report between Facebook and traditional methods of forming relationships, helps to illustrate your point and adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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