IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people say that globalisation and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #globalisation #companies #effect #environment #support
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent world, the number of global corporations has increased and their power became huge.
As a result
, those gigantic
companies
' impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 overall
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 and natural environments
also
 became significant. On
this
 account, many people believe that those multinational going concerns give negative impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the environment.
However
, I do not necessarily agree with
this
 idea as nowadays, they can
also
 be power sources to reverse the condition of our environmental issues using their vast resources and human powers. The
first
 accusation to those big corporations is their
business
 model
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
Correct your spelling
standardize
standardized
standadize
Correct your spelling
standardise
 products all over the world and
secondly
, develop global networks to transport their goods.
For example
, automobile
companies
 build manufacturing factories in many developing countries by cutting down trees and destroying fields. They
also
 ship
the
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apply
show examples
cars by trucks, ships, and planes. Those transportation emit CO2, which
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
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 our earth.
However
,
on the contrary
, recent global
companies
such
 as GAFA do not necessarily impact our society negatively. It is true that they
standadize
Correct your spelling
standardize
standardized
 their products but in many
cases
Add a comma
,cases
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 they expand their
business
via
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apply
show examples
online and do not directly
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 nature in negative ways.
Instead
, using their huge financial resources, they can become leaders to run
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 in an eco-friendly environment.
For example
, Starbucks changed their coffee cups from plastic to environmentally friendly paper cups. Amazon started to use bicycles for delivery
instead
 of cars. As
such
, they have
potential
Add an article
the potential
show examples
 power to make an ecologically beneficial trend. In conclusion, I believe globalization and global
companies
 are not necessarily bad for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. While the
old school
Add a hyphen
old-school
show examples
business
 model may give us negative impacts, the recent
world-wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 corporations can lead ecology movements.
Submitted by michima2011 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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