IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The prevention of health probles and ilness is more important tan treatment and edicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extend do you agree?

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At the present, many people encounter different diseases and in order to prevent or treat several types of illnesses, pharmaceutical products are used and developed each passing day. It is considered by some that the protection of
health
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 is a more important actor
instead
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 using medicine and investment of the
government
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 tends to be in
this
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 direction.
This
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 essay will argue the importance and prevention of
health
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 except using medicinal products.
Firstly
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, medicines and typic medicinal additives have chemical and harmful compounds for the human body even though they are produced for the prevention or treatment of
health
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 problems.
In addition
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 to the complex production process of pharmaceuticals, used ingredients have variable negative effects on human and environmental
health
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.
Therefore
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, the protection of welfare has an important role for the present and future population.
On the other hand
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, the
government
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 should make investments in some fields
such
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 as the food industry, and sports activities in order to protect the
health
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 of the community.
In other words
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, if the principal status advocates the fields and systems related to
health
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, illness and
health
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 problems could be solved before they appear in society. In line with the support of the
government
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,
for example
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, many schemes can be started by foundations like Worl
Health
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 Organization. Different effective projects funded by the
government
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 might lead to the prevention of diseases, thereby
instead
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 of investing money in treatment and medicine, it would save more beneficial fields. In conclusion, people should give priority to the protection of
health
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 before having problems with their welfare and treat them with medicines.
Moreover
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, the
government
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 support the associations and systems related to the
health
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 of the population.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventative measures
  • healthcare systems
  • public health campaigns
  • vaccination programs
  • mental health initiatives
  • regular health check-ups
  • early detection
  • nutrition
  • lifestyles
  • incidence
  • infectious diseases
  • pollution
  • economic strain
  • well-being
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