In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishments.

There is an increasing number of juvenile offenders in many countries. Some people claim that under-aged
criminal
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criminals
show examples
participating in major illegal activities should be punished as adults.
However
, my firm conviction is
instead
of
basing
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based
show examples
on age,
Add an article
the judge
a judge
show examples
judge
Fix the agreement mistake
judges
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should impose
punishment
by considering the motive for
crime
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the crime
show examples
. Imposing adult
punishment
on teenage
criminals
who commit major
crimes
contribute
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contributes
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greatly to
juvenile
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a juvenile
show examples
offender rate reduction. Harsh sanctions, which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fit the
crime
, could deter other adolescents from engaging
illegal
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in illegal
show examples
activities. They may think twice before turning to a career
of
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in
show examples
crime
because of the fear of severe
punishment
.
Therefore
,
teenage
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the teenage
show examples
criminal rate could decrease. A perfect instance
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
is Le Van Luyen, who was
a
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an
show examples
under-eighteen premeditated murderer and burglar in Vietnam,
received
Correct word choice
and received
show examples
capital
punishment
. And a long time span after that, there were very few major
crimes
committed by teenagers.
Nevertheless
, teenage is a sophisticated and sensitive age, which needs sympathy and tactful treatment. Several adolescents have to receive unpremeditated murder prison
sentence
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sentences
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due to their protection against
children
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child
show examples
abuse. Numerous unprivileged kids around the globe chose to be rule-breakers as a way of making a living. The rate of children committing minor
crimes
such
as shoplifting or
Correct your spelling
pickpocketing
show examples
pick pocketing
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pickpocketing
show examples
for the purpose of getting food and money to survive is soaring every single day. These illegal activities enforce serious consequences in their development of conscience and lead to worse and major
crimes
like burglary or drug trafficking in order to earn easy money.
Therefore
,
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
of teenage
criminals
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criminal
show examples
should be put on probation and provided education and vocational training
instead
of being imprisoned as adult
criminals
. In conclusion, under-aged
criminals
have to receive the
punishment
fit to the
crime
.
Basing
Wrong verb form
Based
show examples
on the motive for
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
, the sanctions can be harsh and severe
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
an adult
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
or can be a
psychology
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psychological
show examples
treatment and provide basic skills to ensure they will be normal and valuable people in the future.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Rehabilitation
  • Adolescent development
  • Impulsive behavior
  • Criminal justice system
  • Deterrence
  • Recidivism
  • Moral reasoning
  • Developmental psychology
  • Restorative justice
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