Prevention is better than cure. Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measure. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The significance of
health
has been highlighted as life expectancy prolongs. From this
aspect, questions about whether out of a nation's health
budget
, a large percentage should be diverted from treatment
to spending on health
education and preventive action arise. In my opinion, the authorities should spend the health
budget
for
Change preposition
on
health
education and preventive actions rather than treatment
to some extent.
Irrefutably, an increase in the awareness of health
occurs. This
is because, with the government's support, individuals can learn about a wide range of diseases
and general symptoms of deadly illness. This
obviously leads to annual medical examinations and this
in turn
allows them to early discover the probability of Add the comma(s)
, in turn,
diseases
, such
as cancer, stroke, and dementia.
What is more, although
heavy pressure on the government's budget
cannot be overlooked, enormous treatment
expenses are reduced. In actual fact, health
studies undertaken by experts have revealed that those who are served fundamental medical services strive to exercise to enhance their health
and attempt to avoid harmful foods and habits, so they are less likely to have fatal diseases
.
Nevertheless
, the support of appropriate treatment
is significant. In other words
, since those who suffer from fatal diseases
struggle with expensive treatment
expenses, they decide to hold or give up suitable treatment
on time, so the patient's health
greatly deteriorates.
To conclude
, the support of appropriate treatment
is significant, but an increase in the awareness of health
occurs and enormous treatment
expenses are reduced. Thus
, the authorities should spend on health
budget
for Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
health
education and preventive actions rather than treatment
.Submitted by subin12260 on
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task achievement
Be sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Including real-world statistics or studies can make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay. This can also help in making your argument more compelling.
task achievement
While your essay presents a clear stance, incorporating a counter-argument and then refuting it could further enrich your discussion and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You maintained a clear position throughout your essay, effectively responding to the prompt.
task achievement
The essay effectively highlights the importance of health education and preventive measures, providing relevant discussion in support of this viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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