IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #children #activities #time #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, more and more
parents
Use synonyms
 start to think about their
kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
 activities. While
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
 are sure that the more extra classes their kids have the better they become others don't hurry up to fill
Use synonyms
children’s
Correct pronoun usage
their children’s
show examples
 schedules till the top and let them
fully
Replace the word
full
show examples
 freedom in organizing their free
time
Use synonyms
. It's certainly true that by organizing kids’ free
time
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 solve a
couple
Add the preposition
ofcouple
show examples
 problems at once.
Firstly
Linking Words
, being busy during the whole day,
children
Use synonyms
 have less
time
Use synonyms
 to play videogames and scroll social media,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is an important benefit in our multimedia society.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the biggest advantage a child can get from being fully scheduled is
development
Add an article
the development
a development
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
time-
Correct your spelling
time-management
managment
Correct your spelling
management
 abilities that can be definitely useful in his future life.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, with all pressure that
children
Use synonyms
 have at
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
schools
Add a comma
,schools
show examples
 extra activities can be over the top.
Besides
Linking Words
, sometimes
parents
Use synonyms
 don't want to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
's wishes and choose classes kids are not interested in just because they chase their own ambitions.
However
Linking Words
, I
not
Add a missing verb
am not
show examples
 on any of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 sides and strongly believe that extra activities have to be included in the schedule but shouldn’t fill it till the top.
Children
Use synonyms
 always need at least some hours per day to spend how they want to.
With
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 will know that their free
time
Use synonyms
 won’t long forever and will be more responsible for how to spend it. But at the same
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 it will teach them the importance of rest
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a crucial skill in our fast-speed lives.
Submitted by rykovanova.i.v on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: