Some people think that qualities a person needs to become a successful in today's world cannot be learned at university To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
ambitious universe, with all the current technology, a lot believe that to be wealthy in life you have to finish university and work hard, while
others believe that it is not a must nowadays. While
both views have merit, I believe that to be successful a person should practice and learn regardless of the college studies.
Firstly
, I strictly disagree with the old traditional way of achieving your goals, all have learned from their families that going to school for multiple years, then
eventually to UNI will definitely lead to wealth. On the contrary
, nowadays we are witnessing wealthy women and men, who did not finish their studies and here they are rich. For example
, Elon Musk, tesla's owner. In addition
, Al Abar, Burj khalifa's owner, who is not even an Engineer, owns the tallest building in the world. Besides
, he did not finish his grade twelve as well. Although
those people did not graduate, the fact is that they have achieved their desire
by being disciplined and always learning how to succeed.
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
Furthermore
, a recent study shows that students are more likely to fail simply because they are programmed to not take risks. Despite what risk a person will take in his life, it is so essential because otherwise
, you will eventually face an issue and fell
down. Wrong verb form
fall
For instance
, in the USA, more than 60% of workers who completed their studies are paying debt, and don't own a house or even a car. Thus
, they will surely face a problem and fail. Moreover
, the college will only teach you principles and guides, it will not teach you actual life principles and how to take risks.
To conclude
, there are a lot of available sources to learn from it, it will teach you how to succeed, and how to build self-confidence, and all the mentioned are not taught in college, hence
doing your own work and studying alone is so essential and will eventually lead you to be successful.Submitted by ayoub.mehdi on
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task response
The essay provides a clear opinion but lacks in-depth analysis and development of ideas. The examples provided are relevant but need further explanation and elaboration to fully support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is a need for more cohesive devices and logical progression of ideas within paragraphs to enhance coherence.