IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or a health club, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #gym #health #club #activities #stairs
There has been a significant divergence of opinion revolving around whether
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to be in fitness form. Many
people
 think that signing up at the
gym
 or a health club helps to stay in good figure.
However
, others believe that it is not needed
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
Replace the word
every day's
show examples
everyday's
Change noun form
everyday
show examples
 activities are enough. I strongly consider the best way to stay fit is to join a
gym
. Both sides will be discussed in
this
 essay. On the one hand, exercises
such
 as walking with friends or climbing the stairs help to stay fit, but it is not sufficient, because
necessary
Add an article
the necessary
show examples
 load on the body should be more than usual things. There are many opinions that doing the minimum in
Change noun form
everydays
show examples
everydays'
Correct your spelling
everyday'
 life leads to great success. I agree with
this
 statement, but waiting for results is a long process. According to
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
,
people
 who go to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports institutes reach their
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end than
people
 who do it themselves.
On the other hand
, to be in shape, a person should go to special places where everybody can come across
congenial
Add an article
the congenial
show examples
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
show examples
. It is significant because training with these ones,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
motivates everyone to stay fit and be better than others. In the
gym
, there is
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
 trainer, who knows execution
technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
show examples
 and all about sport. The teacher can show the beginner's mistakes and help to solve
this
 problem. In
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 club,
Add an article
the participant
a participant
show examples
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 can learn
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 foundation of food,
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
show examples
 routine of eating and
sample
Correct article usage
a sample
show examples
 of
menu
Add an article
the menu
show examples
. As I can see, it is the best support for everyone who wants to stay in
normal
Add an article
the normal
show examples
 figure. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 advocate
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
activities like walking or
lift
Wrong verb form
lifting
show examples
 things up on
feet
Correct pronoun usage
your feet
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 to help to be fit, I think it is not enough
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
be
Change the form of the verb
being
show examples
 in shape and
signing
Change the form of the verb
sign
show examples
 up
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
gym
 is needed.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cardiovascular health
  • resistance training
  • physical endurance
  • muscle tone
  • caloric expenditure
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivational factor
  • fitness regimen
  • holistic health
  • sustainable exercise habit
  • metabolic rate
  • physical exertion
  • exercise consistency
  • health maintenance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: