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Band 3.5

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #age #outweigh
Nowdays
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Nowadays
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 when people are
confronting
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confronted
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 with huge competition in their workplace,even some nations encourage seniors to work until their
eldier
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elder
.I believe that the drawbacks of
this
 tendency are greater than its benefits Regarding the pros,
the
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apply
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seniors have certain advantages namely the contribution they make to the
company
 and the sentimental enjoyment.
Firstly
,seniors which are more experienced than the younger generation
,
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apply
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 can efficiently supervise and guide the
non experienced
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non-experienced
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 employee.
For example
,
researches
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researchers
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 have found that having
a
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an
show examples
 older specialist in the
company
,increases
with
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apply
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more than 20%of its revenue.
In addition
, the elderly people will have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 satisfaction of feeling able to make a living on
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their
the
them
thei
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their
 own,
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independently
independtly
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independently
, without the necessity of being a burden on their
offsprings
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offspring
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. When it
come
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comes
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 to the drawbacks that young people are facing due to the
Add a hyphen
cut-throat
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cut throat
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cutthroat
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 competition with their experienced counterparts can not be neglected.
Firstly
, having
a
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an
show examples
 elder manager in the
company
 does not permit the youngsters, to nurture their
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initiatives
inititives
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initiatives
, being ceased
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by
show examples
my
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by
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 their counterparts.
Moreover
, the lack of energy,
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determines
determine
determins
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determines
 the curb of
company's
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the company's
show examples
 efficiency and profit. Studies have suggested, that working
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 than
30years
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30 years
,
favors
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favours
show examples
the
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apply
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boredom. In conclusion,
although
 there are some pros
in
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to
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 having a senior in a
company
,
i
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I
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 believe that the younger
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generation
genereation
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generation
 should take the control and the advantages
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outweigh
outweight
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outweigh
 the
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disadvantages
disadgantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
Submitted by dr.lurabraga on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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