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Writing Samples
Band 6

Video games are bad for children. Do you agree or disagree? Write a one- sided opinion essay giving reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#video #games #children #one- #support
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For many
children
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 in today’s world, playing
video
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games
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 is a huge part of their daily lives. In the past, technology was not advanced and
children
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 did not have the option to play
video
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games
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. In my opinion,
video
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games
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 are bad for
children
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 because they distract them from their studies and affect their mental
health
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.
To begin
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 with,
video
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games
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 are bad for
children
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 because they distract them from their studies.
First,
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many
children
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 spend hours playing
video
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games
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, and so they often forget to complete their homework.
Also
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, a lot of
children
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 become so involved in their
games
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 that they lose track of time which means they do not study properly for their exams. In brief, getting distracted from studying is one of the reasons that
video
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games
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 are bad for
children
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.
In addition
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,
video
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games
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 are
also
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 bad for
children
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 because they can affect their mental
health
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.
For example
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, many
children
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 usually play
video
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games
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 alone, and
this
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 can lead to loneliness and depression.
Furthermore
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, a lot of
video
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games
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 involve fighting and violence and these can cause anxiety and harm for
children
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. In short,
Change noun form
children's
show examples
childrens'
Correct your spelling
children's
show examples
 mental
health
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 can be affected by playing
video
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games
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. In conclusion, I think that
video
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games
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 are harmful
for
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to
show examples
children
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 because they affect their schoolwork and can damage their mental
health
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. Losing track of time, missing homework, loneliness, and anxiety are caused by playing
video
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games
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. If we really care about our
children
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, we should only allow them to play
video
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games
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 for a limited time.
Submitted by abdallah550603 on

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task achievement
You presented a clear position and maintained it throughout the essay. However, including more varied examples would strengthen the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a strong introduction and conclusion that reflect the main argument. Still, adding varied transitional phrases could enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
You've made your opinion clear at the beginning, which helps define the direction of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your argument against video games is consistently supported by reasonable points and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, effectively framing your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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