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Band 4.5

Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it’s better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #methods #treatment #it’s #funds #education #culture
It is said that the authority ought to invest in the healthcare sector and provide free of charge medical services to citizens,
whereas
 some argue that the expenditure should
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 for the protection of local culture and education.
However
, I entirely concur with the former statement based on the ageing population and the emergence of the "Super Virus". First and foremost, spending expenses on the medical sector can diminish the problems brought on by the ageing population,
such
 as the lack of hospital and medical staff. It is true that there is countless trouble
due to
 the ageing population, including the patients suffering from long-term diseases, like high blood pressure, and coronary-related diseases skyrocketing.
Likewise
, the demand for medical services will
then
 escalate spectacularly.
For instance
, the government ought to put
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effort into constructing new hospitals, and training more healthcare professionals so as to mitigate the obstacles. It is undoubted that medical needs among citizens surge significantly, and
thus
 the council should prioritize resources in healthcare sectors.
Furthermore
, the emergence of the "Super Virus" has created an urge to allocate resources in the medical area. As we all know, the overuse of antibiotics caused the new super microorganism to emerge. The COVID-19 pandemic is a perfect example,
billion
Fix the agreement mistake
billions
show examples
 of individuals suffering from
this
 disease and
fortunately
Add a comma
fortunately,
show examples
 new vaccinations
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 invented to cure
this
 illness.
It is clear that
 if the authority does not provide funds to the medical organization, they are unable to invent new medication, vaccination or even treatment for some diseases caused by genes and
thus
 hinder the well-being of society.
In addition
, spending expenditure on promoting public health,
such
 as advertising, can raise our health awareness, like personal hygiene, washing our hands frequently and wearing disposable surgical masks to prevent viruses or bacteria from attacking our body's immune system. On
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 whole, the authority ought to provide funds to support medical research projects,
as well as
, promote public health in the community in order to improve residents' standard of well-being. In a nutshell, I strongly stand by allocating resources to the medical sector should be prioritized rather than other public sectors.
Submitted by clara on

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general
The essay demonstrates a clear stance on the topic and provides relevant arguments to support the opinion. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay. Additionally, more specific examples could be included to enhance the coherence and persuasiveness of the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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