Today, many parents force their children to study all kinds of courses in their early age. What are the reasons behind this? What effects do you think this practice would bring to the children?

In modern days, educational factors are important parts of most

children

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. A number of parents want to their

children

Use synonyms

acquire more in all subjects at an early age. I will discuss in

this

Linking Words

essay several reasons why it happens and how it can influence

children

Use synonyms

in upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, there are some reasonable reasons why guardians want to their

children

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get high marks in all classes like math, science or even art at school.

This

Linking Words

is because they believe that it is significant that their offspring should outperform more than others in order to

children

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attend some prestigious universities, which is one method that they can get a golden opportunity to work in giant companies like Apple or Samsung.

Therefore

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, if their

children

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show genius or gifts in the curriculum, it is felicity to their parents. Meanwhile, it will be able to give disadvantages to both

children

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's life and our society. One thing is they might have a lot of stress and suffer from a lack of exercise

due to

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heavy studies and a sedentary lifestyle when their childhood.

For instance

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, when they are kindergarten or primary students, they go to institutes where they can learn major subjects, which as secondary courses like math or English .

Therefore

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, they have to study for a long time until at night.

In addition

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, in Korea, the rate of suicide is getting higher than before more and more because when they get low scores on an exam, they feel frustrated easily.

To conclude

Linking Words

, parents want to lead to forward that their

children

Use synonyms

live

Fix the infinitive

to live

show examples

quality

while

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studying in a well-known college and working in a conglomerate, but I believe that it can cause severe problems in our society

Change preposition

show examples

early

Correct article usage

an early

show examples

age they study.

komi4144

Nov 24, 2022

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language

Consider rephrasing 'want to their children acquire more' to 'want their children to acquire more'.

argument

When discussing negative effects on children, ensure to provide a clearer connection to the broader societal implications.

language

Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the conclusion and summarize the main points effectively to reinforce your argument.

structure

You provided a clear introduction and outlined the main points you intend to discuss.

support

Your essay includes relevant examples, particularly the reference to South Korea and its issues related to educational pressure.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Today, many parents force their children to study all kinds of courses in their early age. What are the reasons behind this? What effects do you think this practice would bring to the children?

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Drug abuse is becoming increasingly common in the world today. What problems does this cause and what are some of the measures that can be taken to solve these problems?