IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or a health club, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #gym #health #club #activities #stairs
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of
people
 advocate that the best way to stay fit is to go to a
gym
 or a
health
club
, whereas others
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 doing everyday
activities
such
 as walking and climbing is enough. I personally agree with
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 statement since it is not only one way to
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to a
gym
 or a
health
club
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 fit
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
First
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
 all,
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 fit
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the
important
Correct quantifier usage
most important
show examples
 things
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 every person. Because when
people
 stay fit they feel
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
much better. Good emotions
depends
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 fit. Going to a
gym
 or a
health
club
 good decision for change.
For instance
, at the
gym
people
 can see
quickly
Change the adverb
quick
show examples
 changes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. Because they spend many affords to get
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 body.
However
,
people
 cannot
going
Change the verb form
go
be going
show examples
 to a
gym
 or a
health
club
 since is enough to just
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
show examples
 or
climbing
Wrong verb form
climb
show examples
. Every physical
activities
Change to a singular noun
activity
show examples
 can give
people
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 fit.
Also
 one of the most important aspects is food. If
people
 eat healthy food, they will be healthy.
In addition
.
such
 as
activities
 as
gym
Add an article
a gym
show examples
 can give bad effect on
people
health
. Because
people
 spend a lot of energy
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
gym
.
Thus
, they can give rest to their body.
People
also
 can hurt something at the
gym
. Because there are many dangerous things. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, doing everyday
activities
such
 as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Because it
also
guess
Change the verb form
guesses
show examples
 as
activities
. Every
activities
Change to a singular noun
activity
show examples
 can help
people
 with their
fit
Replace the word
fitness
show examples
.
In addition
, hea;thy food is too important for keep fit.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cardiovascular health
  • resistance training
  • physical endurance
  • muscle tone
  • caloric expenditure
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivational factor
  • fitness regimen
  • holistic health
  • sustainable exercise habit
  • metabolic rate
  • physical exertion
  • exercise consistency
  • health maintenance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: