Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

At the moment, it is suggested that young ones
affected
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are affected
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the
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by the
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adverse factors
by
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of
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fascinating
Correct your spelling
superstars
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super stars
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superstars
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who
has
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have
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gotten plenty of
interests
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interest
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rather than they actually had. I personally agree that
the
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apply
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superstars give
bad
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a bad
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affect
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effect
show examples
on teenagers since they do not good things for popularity.
To begin
with, famous
people
normally provide
Correct your spelling
up-to-date
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up-to-dated
Correct your spelling
up-to-date
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style for the youth generation, using their attractive physical features
such
as suitable body proportions and sophisticated makeup. These offered gorgeous and fancy products' information have valuable influences for
someones
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someone
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who is
into
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in
show examples
fashion
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the fashion
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industry or who try to gain new trends
knowledge
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and knowledge
show examples
for preparing their achievements in the future.
For example
,
the
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apply
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Kim who was
the
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apply
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one of the best
celebrities
as
designer
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a designer
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always research
the
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apply
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quality
clothes
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of clothes
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for
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to
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suitable each famous person because the designer insists
the
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on the
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importance of
celebrities
' intense influences
for
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on
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Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
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youngster
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youngsters
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.
Therefore
,
likewise
this
case, it can be seen that
celebrities
absolutely
have
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tohave
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
's trends.
However
, popular stars' effects are not always positive for young ones.
That is
because, as mentioned above, those
celebrities
tend to remain beautiful lifestyles so, young men tend to follow their lives.
Thus
, minors started heavy makeup at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
primary schools and adolescents' consumption patterns had changed to
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
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useless items, even though those goods are expensive.
For instance
, in Korea in the year
2010s
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the 2010s
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, one superstar
had
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apply
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contracted the North-Face company which produces high prices outers, after
then
, most
youngster
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youngsters
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bought
it
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them
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and wore
at
Correct pronoun usage
them at
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the
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apply
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school. Followed the other problem is, if some students could not have those items, they had been discriminated
by
Change preposition
against by
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peers
Correct pronoun usage
their peers
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.
That is
because
,
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apply
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I feel that famous
people
could attack young
people
's life
as
Change preposition
with
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vicious effects. In conclusion,
although
celebrities
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
positive influences
for
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on
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students and youth generations, they are more likely to bring
negative
Add an article
the negative
a negative
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situation
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situations
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to the student's
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
Therefore
, it is convincing that the relevant entertainment businesses should control the youngster's industry
like
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apply
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well-refined.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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