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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what coule be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

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The
last
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 several decades have seen a surge in the violence rate.
This
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 is due to technological advancement and the leak of consumer
data
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 from online shopping
companies
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. While these problems have made so many damaging effects on the customer, there are several measures that the states and a company can take to address these challenges. The main reason why the fraud rate increased in a couple of years is that many people share their personal
information
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 in online media due to the technological advances that have made online communication much simpler and easier.
Furthermore
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, the leakage of customers' personal
information
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 from a bank or online commerce has made many hackers could access people's personal
information
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 more easily.
Thus
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, fraudsters are able to access everyone's personal
information
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 that can be used for a crime,
such
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 as stealing money, etc.
For example
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, my friend has experienced fraud because they upload their personal identity card photos on the internet and there is someone who used it to make a transaction without any consent from my friend.
Nevertheless
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, there are two steps that the government and
companies
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 could do to tackle
this
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 obstacle.
First
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, there should be a consumer
data
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 protection law published by the authority.
Second
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, the company should enforce people to do a double sign-in method if they want to sign in to their bank or online shop accounts. As an illustration, in Indonesia, there
is
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are
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 customer
data
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 protection policies that enforces
companies
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 to encrypt any personal-related info.
This
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 way, it will prevent fraudsters to access our personal
data
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 that could be used for crimes, and eventually, the violence rate will be diminished. In conclusion, a rise in the crime level is caused by technological development and
data
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 leakage from a company. While these have affected
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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damaging
impacts
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impact
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 on many, the government and commerce
companies
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 are key
on
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in
show examples
 solving these issues.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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