IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is a very good idea to bring your family when you have to travel overseas to study or work. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages? What is your opinion?

It is often
Verb problem
Often
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considered
Verb problem
apply
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few masses argue that it is better to travel with your close ones
while
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 going to various places in the world for different purposes like
work
Use synonyms
 or study. In my, inclined
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 get fewer opportunities
while
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 travelling overseas,
thus
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 they should make it memorable by taking their family
along with
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 them.
Thus
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this
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on the positive sides which lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global trips are rare for some individuals, so they should plan
accordingly
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 with their family members because they can build more memories and can remember them in future.
Furthermore
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, some organisations
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to send groups of people to other countries for
work
Use synonyms
 purposes,
hence
Linking Words
, it provides a chance to enjoy and
work
Use synonyms
 at the same time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, employees should reserve their booking as soon as possible.
For example
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,
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Judge Group Pvt Ltd is a US Staffing company, which
use
Use synonyms
 to
send
Wrong verb form
sends
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 its top-performing candidates to Dubai the best part is that they
also
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 cover all charges of its family members
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also
Rephrase
apply
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along with
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 employees. Probing ahead, some undesirable facts of
this
Linking Words
 notion is,
humans
Correct word choice
that humans
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 are more connected with their friends and family members,
thus
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 when they move to new locations with them it can cause a disturbance which can harm their study or
work
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,
expensive
Correct word choice
the costs
show examples
 of the other nations are much higher,
they
Rephrase
so they
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 will need a good bank balance from which they can afford things.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by The Times of India mentioned in their article that In Delhi, multifarious students
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to travel abroad for their future studies but they only go alone not with their parents because the cost of living is much higher than ours. In a nutshell,
according to
Linking Words
 the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 argument one can reach the conclusion that travelling overseas with family is a dream for many
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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, some make it rememberable by visiting with their close ones.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, few
use
Use synonyms
 it to avoid travelling alone.

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Task Response
Your introduction could be clearer and focus more directly on the topic. It is essential to outline the advantages and disadvantages succinctly.
Task Response
The conclusion summarizes the points made, but it should reinforce your opinion more explicitly and tie back to the arguments presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and unclear phrases that can make it hard to understand your points; consider proofreading for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that you link thoughts between sentences to improve flow.
Task Response
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of traveling with family.
Task Response
You provide relevant examples to support your points, particularly from organizations sending employees abroad.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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