IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

These days
people
Use synonyms
 use
technology
Use synonyms
 for every move, especially for communicating. There are two sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using it, one side has some pros like speed, global reach or
Use synonyms
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
, the other side has more cons like loss of connection, lack of self-confidence in a real meeting or addiction to
technology
Use synonyms
. ThisIn
this
Linking Words
 essay will
discussbe
Correct your spelling
discuss
 discussed both sides of
this
Linking Words
 topic. First of all,
technology
Use synonyms
 usage for communication is widely spread around the world and it is extremely convenient for
people
Use synonyms
 because they can reach any person in the world in just a few seconds
As a result
Linking Words
,companies can boost their productivity, efficiency and effectiveness.... Another advantage is that anyone
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 work by profession in any country because they can have a job interview by using Microsoft Teams or Zoom platform and get a job to work remotely.
Consequently
Linking Words
, more opportunities are created both for individuals and businesses One more benefit of communication by
technology
Use synonyms
 is
Use synonyms
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
 because
people
Use synonyms
 can stay at home and have meeting after meeting and they do not need to drive and spend
time
Use synonyms
 in traffic.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some disadvantages on
this
Linking Words
 topic. One of the key issues is that
people
Use synonyms
 lose confidence in
beingof
Correct your spelling
being of
being
 being in
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
situactions
Correct your spelling
situations
 and most
people
Use synonyms
 can not maintain eye contact because they feel inconvenienced.
AnotherThe
Correct your spelling
The
 other main negative is that everyone spends more and more
time
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using telephones, computers,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
 media which could create addiction and
then
Linking Words
 they will need help from specialists like
psyichologists
Correct your spelling
psychologists
. Having considered both views, I think that we can still get more positives than negatives from using
technology
Use synonyms
 for communication. Especially because we can globally reach anyone, including family members who might live far away.
Also
Linking Words
, it creates more opportunities for
people
Use synonyms
 and saves
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 which they can spend studying or spending more
time
Use synonyms
 with family.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states the main topic and what you will discuss in the essay. It can help to outline the key points you will cover.
coherence and cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate your ideas clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and start with a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention real-life situations or studies to show how technology affects communication.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and spelling. Check your sentences for mistakes to improve clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
You discussed both the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communication, which shows a balanced view.
task achievement
Some of your points, like saving time and global reach, are very relevant and important in today's world.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: